I'm still here, really

Hello Readers!
I am so honored that you keep coming to check and see if there is anything new here.  My apologies for posting so infrequently. Life has been busy and routine all at the same time.  The semester is wrapping up and that naturally makes everything busier. The weather is getting nicer and that makes me less eager to be inside...though it is significantly cooler and ickier out than it was a few weeks ago.
Easter even came and went without a post from me. Quick recap:
The week before Easter I traveled to Iowa to hang out with David (my fiance, for those who haven't caught up that far yet).  We were on spring break and it seemed like a good way to spend my spring break, especially since we hadn't seen each other since January.  The tulips in Pella were beautiful, but a month ahead of schedule!  David and I spent much quality time together, and I got to see some other friends from my time at Central.
While I was there we also got some engagement pictures taken by a friend.  Once they are ready, I'll post a couple.  I'm excited for them.
Another high point of that week were bacon wrapped dates with a maple glaze. They were heavenly. And I think I found a recipe to make them myself so we'll see if we can replicate them.
I was back in (little) Holland for Easter Sunday and enjoyed a lovely Easter service at my teaching church.  It involved lots of bubble wrap and some of my favorite verses from Romans 17.  First Reformed church of Holland is not a boring church!
After church I came home and had a delightful nap.  Easter was only missing a few things this year.  (Like my family and David).
This last week was mostly school and sleeping.  I've been doing a lot of sleeping lately. I think I'm battling a bit of an infection in my sinuses/ears that is causing some pain/dizziness/nausea.  So my body needs the extra sleep.  Hopefully it will run it's course soon.
A look ahead to the coming week shows inter-seminary soccer tournament tomorrow, which I will be at, but not allowed to play because my knee isn't quite up to par. And then more class and other school stuff.
I will be meeting a relative for the first time this week, which is always exciting.  She is my mom's cousin's daughter and has recently returned from Africa so we are getting together and having dinner. I think for simplicity's sake I'm just going to pretend that she is my cousin, especially since I call her mom aunt. (I sometimes call my own mother aunt too though...)
Other than that, nothing new or exciting here.  Blessings to you all!

Benediction

"It takes four hugs a day just to survive..."
Overall it had been an interesting worship service.  About what I had expected. Loud music, charismatic speaker.  I was seated in the front left corner, a perfect spot to lip read the speaker and the musicians.

"eight hugs a day to maintain..."
This is where things were starting to get confusing for me.  What kind of benediction was this? Some sort of feel good benediction to get us through the week?  Something that lacked theological support, something to keep from offending people from various denominations.

"twelve to really grow...."
This was all making sense to me. Hugs are good.  Hugs help you feel connected.  Being connected is good.  This was something I could carry with me through the week, think about as I made new friends in a new place.

"You decide"
The room erupted.  Everyone was hugging everyone else. What was going on? Why were all these people okay with it?

I froze.

That first night was was overwhelming.

Fast forward four years.

I was sitting at the church service just before graduation. The same pastor was speaking that first night. I watched his every word.  We stood for the benediction.  I waited for the words I had come to expect every week.   They didn't come.  My heart broke a little.  Many of us hugged anyways and then we left. A few hours later we graduated.

What had changed in those four years?  Four years.  A very short portion of my life, yet a part of my life that I will never, ever forget.  These people became my family.  They were the ones who held me when I cried, made me laugh so hard that my nose wiggled, and went on adventures with me.  We shared incredible joys and we shared incredible sorrows with each other.  We celebrated as friends got engaged and married, we mourned as friends died. We had fights and we made up afterwards.
But then we left.

We promised to stay in touch, but we still left.
And some of us did stay in touch, but some of us...

I wish I could go back, back to those four years, back to that last day with them and hug and hug and hug.
I wish I had people here that I could hug like that. I wish I had a community that hugged like that.

Four hugs a day just to survive, eight to maintain, twelve to grow.  You decide.

Happiness

Seeing this countdown box on my iGoogle just made me happy today:

That was my countdown to my trip to Pella.  It's expired.  I'm in Pella.  Sitting in the lower chapel listening to organ music.  It's good.  I went to CUIFS this morning and got hugs.  I hung out in Graham last night.   It's good to be back.
This also made me happy:

It's almost time to make my Easter gingerbread house. This excites me. 

That is all.  Just wanted to share my happiness.

Prayer for a Sister

So my sister is going on a mission trip to Mexico with her school.  I love my sister a lot (even though we sometimes fight and get on each other's nerves).  It would be really great if you all could be lifting her and the team she is going with up in your prayers. If you want to follow along with their adventures, here is a link to their team blog.
http://redeemermexicostmissions.blogspot.com/

Glory to G-d

I wrote the bulk of this post a couple days ago already in anticipation of today.  Though today didn't quite go as planned (a sinus infection/upper respiratory infection took a turn for the much worse I ended up on oxygen in the hospital for awhile), I can still rest assured in the promises G-d has given me.  He will never leave me nor forsake me and the healing He gives me is sure.  Now, on to real post.
November 11, 2008
I sat at my desk in my dorm room, half doing homework and half chatting with a friend online.  I was part way through my 3rd semester at college and had gotten into the routine of homework, classes and hanging out with friends.  I knew when I could afford to chat online and when I needed to give homework 100% of my attention. This was one of those nights were there was nothing pressing that I had to focus on, so I chatted away.  I don't even remember what we were talking about, but I sent a message telling my friend I didn't feel well.  That was the last she heard from me.  Concerned, she called a mutual friend who lived in my building.  The mutual friend came to check on me and found me on the floor.  I had evidently just had my first seizure.  My friend tried to convince me to let her take me to the hospital, but I refused. I had sustained a fairly significant head injury and refused to see reason.  My friend, in her wisdom, made a deal with me that if I wasn't any better the next day or if I had another seizure, I'd let her take me in.  She spent the night checking on me every couple of hours to make sure I was still conscious.  I'm not sure what I ever did to deserve a friend like her.
November 12, 2008
I spent most of the day extremely disoriented.  I may have even gone to some of the wrong classes.  I don't actually remember much from that day.  At some point, presumably towards the evening, I had another seizure.  This time there was no doubt about it.  I was with my friends and they saw everything.  Even with a fairly significant head injury I kept my end of the deal up and let my friends bring me to the hospital.  I don't think I had enough strength left to protest anyways.  I was admitted to hospital that night, following a CT scan that showed some abnormalities in my brain.  The doctors weren't very hopeful that I'd live long. The hospital chaplain came to make sure I was ready to go Home.  My mom made the trip from Canada to Iowa to be with me.
The Next Two Years
A lot happened over the next two years.  I went through a slew of different anti-epileptic drugs.  None of them worked.  I saw neurosurgeon after neurosurgeon.  None of them had any answers.  I had two prolonged hospital stays for testing, three periods where I was wired to a heart monitor.  There were never any conclusive answers.
Throughout all of it, I had the support of an amazing community of faith.  They prayed for me and with me.  They held me the nights that I sobbed.  They fed my mom while she stayed on campus with me.  One very special person even left her family to come live with me, providing care for me so that I could stay on campus and continue with my education.  My faith community took me to doctor's appointments, to the grocery store, to the library. They read my textbooks to me when medication caused me to lose most my vision.  They were the hands and feet of Christ to me.
After two years nothing had really changed. I'd graduated from Central, but I was still having seizures 2 or 3 times a week.  I'd even had a seizure bad enough to put me in a coma for a short period of time (bad experience, I don't recommend it). Most my doctors had given up on finding an answer for me.  They told me I just had to live with it.  I'd come to a point where I'd given up on answers.  There was still a few more tests they could run, a few more things they could try, but I was done.  I didn't want anymore. I was tired of dead ends and wasted tests. I made it clear that I didn't want any more testing unless something changed. That was my decision and I was sticking to it.
December 12, 2010
I was watching a movie with one of my roommates while the other one prepared roasted turnip for supper.  (I love my roommates, just sayin').  The turnip was done and went to the kitchen to get some. All of a sudden I felt it coming, the pre-seizure feeling I had come to dread.  I braced myself against the counter top as I said "I don't feel so good".  That's the last thing I remember.  My roommates say I had a seizure then, shorter than normal, but still a seizure. When it was over they sat me up and gave me roasted turnip to eat (again, I have the most awesome roommates ever!). I didn't know it then, there was nothing to distinguish that seizure from any of the hundred others that I'd had, but that seizure was to be my last for a very long time, possibly (hopefully) my last seizure ever.
January 31, 2011
It has now been 50 days since my last seizure.  I cannot point to anything I did or anything any of my doctors did.  There were no changes made to my diet or my medications, no changes in my routine or anything else.
There is only one answer.  G-d has had His hand on me for a long time.  It is His hand that has brought me healing.  Nothing else.  Here's the picture of happiness:

 "Now I want you to know brothers, (and sisters) what has happened to me has really served to advance the Gospel."

(NIV) Philippians 1:12

G-d waited until I had nowhere else to turn, until I had nothing else I could point to before He brought healing into my life.  I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to fully turn to Him. To Him be all glory and honor and power!
To all of you who have been supporting me and praying for me throughout this journey, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Know that you have been part of a miracle.

Community

Over the last few weeks I've had a number of conversations with people about what it means to do life together/live in community. These people have had a variety of life experiences and various amounts of life experiences, so I was able to get some different perspectives. 
It seems to me that there are certain times/places where a sense of community is much stronger than others.  Mission trips, conferences, and retreats are all places where a strong sense of Christian community tends to prevail.  Central college was also a place where I really felt a sense of community.  At school we were really doing life together.  We laughed together, cried together, prayed together, worshiped together, played together, etc, etc, etc.  We had a real sense that we were the body of Christ and we were all part of it.  If one of us was hurting, all of us felt the pain.  When one of us rejoiced, we all rejoiced.  I think many people have had experiences like that and I was very blessed to be able to live in that kind of community for 4 years. Now I miss it and I keep asking why that kind of community can't exist elsewhere.
It's true that some environments (such as mission trips, retreats, conferences) act as a sort of incubator for spiritual growth and foster a sense of community, but why can't we have that kind of community outside of the incubator?  Some one (potentially more than one someone) told me it was because real life got in the way. At first I accepted that, but then I thought about it more.  Is it just because life gets in the way or is it because we don't expect to be able to live in that kind of community?
Central might not have been the same as "real life" (whatever that is), but it wasn't an incubator either.  We had very real struggles that we dealt with.  We had a classmate die this year. We had classmates diagnosed with serious illnesses, classmates with serious family struggles, classmates who didn't know how they were going to pay tuition of the next semester or how they were going to afford books, or gas in their car to get home, classmates struggling to discern the next step, whether they should continue education or if they were being called elses, classmates getting married, classmates breaking up...you name it, we probably dealt with it.  If that's not real life, I don't know what is.  Yet through it all, we were together as a Christian community, supporting each other, being excited about Jesus together.  Christianity wasn't a Sunday morning deal, it was a 25 hours a day, 8 days a week kind of thing.
Reflecting on that, I think that part of the reason we don't live in that kind of community all the time is because we don't expect to or make the effort to. I wonder how life would be different if we were intentional about living in community. Outside of college, where we all live at different places, it's a little tougher to be intentional.  I can't just walk upstairs and pray with some when I'm at home, or go down the hall and have a life chat with a friend. Often I don't get to eat my meals with a dozen other people or worship multiple times a week with the community.  I'm thankful for the ways I can still be connected to the community though.  The internet is a great tool for that and I love the conversations that I have during the week with my Central friends, the ones where we talk serious about what G-d is doing in our lives.  I cherish the time that I do get to spend face to face with people here and the conversations we have.  I long for place where I can be real face to face, a place where I can be engaged in Bible study and prayer and supporting others and being supported by others.  The tricky part is, I'm only home for three months out of the year, so I can't really expect things like that to be part of life here.
So for now, I cherish what I do have and wonder at how things could be different and why things are they way they are.

Steel Magnolias

Some time ago now I was at a prayer gathering thing (Encounter...I've written about it before) and while I was being prayed over some one siad they kept hearing the phrase "Steel Magnolias"  so they wrote it down and I tucked it away.  At the time, I didn't even know what a magnolia was.  I looked it up and learned that it was a type of flowering a tree and I learned that there was a movie called "Steel Magnolias".  A friend of mine even owned a copy of the movie but told me I wouldn't like it, so I haven't ever watched it.  I just know it exists. 

A short time later I was walking around campus and found myself a magnolia tree.  It was in full bloom and very pretty.  I got close to investigate it further and took a picture of one of it's blossoms.  See?

Then I noticed a single petal lying on the ground, all by itself.  Just like this:

I carried those images with me in my mind (and on my hard drive) for quite some time.  I knew they were reminding me of something, but I just couldn't quite put my finger on it.  I finally figured it out.  It was reminding me of the body of Christ.  Romans 12:5 says:  "so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others."   It also reminded me of some verses from Ecclesiastes, chapter 4, verses 9-12 "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." 

The magnolia blossom was most beautiful when all the petals were together, in community with each other.  Although the petal on the grass was beautiful, it was not as beautiful as it was before it fell.  I think we humans are a lot like that as well.  On our own we are still beautiful.  We still have value.  We are still loveable, but that beauty increases when we are in community with others.  We were not created to live alone.  After G-d created Adam, he created Eve because it was not good for man to be alone. 

I tried to pick a magnolia blossom so that I could get a closer look at it, but as soon as I had it off the tree it fell apart in my hands.  It made me a little sad because then I couldn't bring the beautiful blossom back to my room with me.  That reminds me of another set of verses, these ones from from John 4, verses 4-9: "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."

The magnolia blossom could not be a blossom apart from the tree...well, it could be, it just couldn't hold itself together.  I don't believe that we can exist very well apart from G-d...we'd still exist, but we wouldn't really have it together.  The blossom needed the tree and the community of the other petals in order to exist in it's form of greatest beauty.   Humans need both our tree (G-d) and the community to exist in our greatest beauty.
I know I sometimes try to do things on my own.  I can do it...it's just not the way I was created nor the way that I can function to my greatest potential and beauty.  The petals on the mangolia are each very delicate, but when they come together, they are strong...like steel.

Thoughts on my last night of being an undergraduate

Tomorrow I graduate from Central College. This is quite likely my last post as an undergraduate and quite possibly my last post from Pella, at least for awhile. My room is almost all packed up. I should be working on it still, but I feel that I’ve made a lot of progress and I want to take a break. My parents are in town and staying with friends for tonight and tomorrow night. I’ll be on campus for 2 sleeps yet. We’ll see how much sleep actually happens….


As I think back on my four years here, one word stands out more than any other. That word is community. The community here at Central has meant so much to me. I don’t even know how to describe it to people who haven’t experienced it. The community here is family. I have professors who will give me hugs tomorrow. My boss gave me a hug today as I ran out of work in a panic (I realized that senior dinner started at 5, not 5:30…It was 4:50 and I was in paint clothes and had paint on me…I was dressed and clean and at dinner at 5). The dietician at the cafeteria hugged me after our last meeting this week. I have friends that I can call at any time and know that they will be there for me. I have friends who see me walking on campus and yell at me out their windows just because. I had an RA freshman year who would spend hours with me making snow toffee. Some of our best talks happened in that kitchen, stirring the toffee forever and ever (after I ate the toffee, serious conversation was pointless, but that’s another story). I had a Christian community that I could worship with at 9pm, 9am, 11am, 3am, 7:30am, 10pm…you get the picture. I had a friend who met with me every morning for the first half the semester just to pray and start our day with G-d. Another friend met with me Thursday evenings to talk about what we had been learning from G-d that week. Friends who would join me for Study Day Picnic on the floor of the cafeteria.

In my four years here I don’t think I have ever walked alone. That is something really special. It’s also something I’m scared to leave. I’ve become used to relying on the community here, to always having someone to call, always having someone to hug, always having someone to cry with or laugh with or pray with. I’ve become used to not having to stand on my own, but to be able to lean on those around me. I leave here Sunday. Many people have already left. I realized as I was typing this that I can’t go upstairs and do night-night hugs because there is no one to hug. I’m going to have to stand on my own. But even on my own, I know I’m not going to be alone. The community might not be so visible around me after I’m gone, but I know they will still be there for me. I can shoot off an e-mail, send a facebook message, make a skype call and there will be someone at the other end ready to keep walking with me. Most importantly though, I can fire off a prayer and know that my G-d always hears me and will never ever ever leave me. No matter how lonely I get, no matter how long it’s been since I’ve had a hug, G-d will always be there for me. Sometime, when I’m stressing and feeling down and alone, someone remind me of this, okay? I’m forgetful…

Central, I’m gonna miss you. Thanks for taking such good care of me these last four years.  May the Lord bless you and keep you.  May he make his face shine upon you and give you peace.  May he turn his face towards you and be gracious to you.

The End

It's almost here.  I've turned in my thesis, my last papers, and written my final exams.  Saturday I will graduate.  I will be graduating with a bachelor's degree in psychology (minor in German) and ON TIME!  This is kind of a big deal if you have any idea what I've been up against the last four years.  At times it was questionable if I'd finish at all and many doubted that I'd be able to finish on time. I did have to drop my German major to a minor, but I have completed everything.  Praise the Lord!

Flashback to last weekend:

Thursdsay through Saturday was Tulip Time in Pella.  For all you non-Pella people, Tulip Time is a big deal.  It's a celebration of the Dutch heritage in Pella and there is dancing and parades and lots of food.  And lots and lots of people.  It was kind of cold (read: extremely cold) and rather icky this weekend, but the weather cooperated enough that they didn't have to cancel any of the parades or dancing.

Here's a picture of me and my dance partner before one of our dances:

Her name is Chelsea Bell and she made a fine man (I don't think I'm supposed to say that though...she says she's not good at being a boy.)

Here we are dancing:

This was Saturday and it was ridiculously cold out...most the day I wore my toque and alpaca mitts.  I only wore my bonnet when we were performing.

This year at Tulip Time the added excitement was breaking a world record.  It's Pella and sometimes strange things happen in Pella (and not just because it is a college town).  Pella decided that it wanted to try and break the world record for the most people dancing in wooden shoes.  The previous record had been set in Holland with 400 some dancers. Pella's goal was 1000 dancers.  We got 2604 dancers and danced for 6 minutes and 15 seconds.  Here is a video I found with me in it from second 29-42.  The music in that video isn't the dancing music so here is one with the dancing music if you want to hear what it sounded like out there Saturday morning.

Other Tulip Time highlights:

- Parking cars Friday morning.  I had a lot of energy and stood on the corner with a parking sign singing and dancing (in full Dutch costume) trying to convince cars to park in our lot.  I did this for 1.5 hours...then laughed uncontrollably for about that long for no real reason.

- Playing the question game from 4am-6am with Amber and Ashley while doing security at West Market Park.  Sample questions: If you could shoot anything out of your wrists, like Spiderman, what would you shoot?  If you could sell anything at West Market Park during Tulip Time, what would it be?  What is the most important thing you have learned this year?

- Carpet ball.  good times happened at the carpet ball tables...for awhile I even ended up in charge of a table...not sure how that happend.

- marching bands.  I like watching marching bands, especially the stuff they do with the flags.

- seeing people I hadn't seen for awhile.

After Tulip Time was done, it was Sunday which was also a pretty rock awesome day. If you missed the post about the awesomeness that was Sunday, you can find it here. 

Monday was study day which meant very little studying got done, but Study Day picnic did happen and it was a good turn out, so that was good.  Tuesday was paper writing and finishing my ARP research paper.  I cried when I printed it off I was so happy.  Today I turned in my last papers, wrote my last exam and finished! I'm sure there will be more "finishing college" thoughts in the days to come, but that's all for now.  Just one final question:  What noise does a firefly make?

Baptism

"As surely as water washes away the dirt from the body, so certainly his blood and his Spirit wash away my soul's impurity, in other words, all my sins" (Q&A 69, Heidelberg Catechsim)
Today was a good day.  A very good day. Every spring the chaplain (Joe B) here at Central does baptisms out at Lake Red Rock. I kind of get excited about baptisms and this year I was more excited than usual.  Let me back track a bit...
October 2008:
I have a dream about a beautiful baptism ceremony that was preceeded by the weirdest and coolest funeral I have ever seen.  It was my funeral that I had seen, but it was weird because I was present and participating in the funeral.  It was also weird because it was happening here at school with school people, not the home people.  Immediately after I was buried, I was baptized by immersion and there was a huge celebration.  (If you want to see the original write-up on the dream with more detail, let me know...not going to put it here because it would make this post super long).  My take away from the dream was 2 Corinthians 5:17: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
November 2008:
I start having seizures.  I forget about my dream and start adapting to and trying to figure out life with seizures.
fast forward to February 2010:
We talk about baptism in one of my classes.  I am overwhelmed with the powerful symbolism of baptism by immersion. I feel a tugging inside to be baptized by immersion and express this to a trusted friend.  The only catch is that I have already been baptized and the RCA does not re-baptize people.  We pray about it and sit on the idea.
April 2010:
The idea of baptism has come up a few more times and I've been wrestling with it a lot.  I think the symbolism is powerful and I feel an unexplainable longing for it, but I don't need to be baptized because it was already done when I was an infant.  I can't come to peace with it theologically. Joe B talks about baptism at Sunday night worship and encourages anyone who wants to participate in the Red Rock baptisms to talk to him.  I'm still not at peace with it, so I don't talk to him about it.
April 26, 2010:
Our speaker in Pre-Min talks about doing baptisms for people who have already been baptized in the spirit of remembering what has already been done. He likened it to people renewing wedding vows.  You don't renew wedding vows because they didn't work they first time, but because they did and you want to celebrate that.  I spend considerable time pondering this.
May 5, 2010:
8pm: I have a long talk with a trusted friend and the idea of baptism comes up.  I tell him that I was not going to be baptized because I could not come to peace with it thoelogically. 
9pm: InterVarsity large group worship...our leader (Jordan) invites anyone who feels that they have undergone some sort of transformation this year and is interested in being baptized to talk to him after worship. 
10:30pm:  Worship is over and I have a lot on my mind.  I don't go talk to Jordan, I sit and think.  A friend comes and asks me what is on my mind...I tell her about my wrestling with baptism.  She goes and gets Jordan and I go through it all again.  Jordan sees the theological issues with re-baptism, but is in favor of celebrating the amazing things G-d has done in my life this year.  He encourages me to talk to two other people who have been spiritual leaders in my life this year about it since they have been walking with me closer.
midnight: I'm back in my room, praying about the idea of baptism and remember the dream from October 2008.  I go back in my journal and read the original write up and somewhere inside it clicks that the reason Joe B was baptizing me in the dream was because maybe it was supposed to happen that way.  I share my dream with some friends and they get excited about it.
May 6, 2010:
10:30am:  I talk with the first person Jordan mentioned and she agrees with Jordan.  Theologically, re-baptism is not sound, but celebrating and remembering my first baptism is.  She thinks it's a good idea (or at least not a bad one) but encourages me to talk to Joe B (same as Jordan).
3pm:  It is Tulip Time in Pella and Joe B is real busy.  I catch him for a moment and give him a very very brief summary of the last 24 hours and a briefer summary of rest the year.  His response is that he wants to spend some time praying about it.
May 8, 2010:
8am:  I get an e-mail indicating that Red Rock baptisms are happening on Sunday.  I still have not heard from Joe B.
5pm:  It is still Tulip Time and we are all still really busy.  I catch up with Joe B at the carpet ball tables and we have a very brief conversation. He re-iterates that re-baptism is not theologically sound and I agree. However, he is willing to celebrate what G-d has been doing in my life and remember my first baptism.  He encourages me to ask some friends who have been fighting for/with me and standing with me to come out with me.  People show up for carpet ball and our conversation is over.
May 9, 2010:
7am: I am awake and excited.  It's gonna be a good day.
9am: I'm having trouble focusing in church because I'm so excited.
5pm: I have the feeling kind of like what you get when you are backstage on opening night and you know the house is packed...excited and nervous all at the same time.  The temperature is starting to drop again and it's clouding over.
6:30pm: Kari meets me at my room and we go over to the chapel to carpool out to Red Rock.
7pm: Party time!

We all stand on the beach while Joe talks some about baptism and Megan is baptized.  Hooray for new believers!

Chelsea and Sara help me out into the water where Joe B, Niki and Kari are waiting.  It's a great picture of the community that has meant so much to me in my walk here...I'm never walking alone. We are ready to celebrate the rememberance of my first baptism and the awesome stuff G-d has been doing in my life.

My baptism is celebrated and remembered and Joe B, who has been walking with me for 4 years gets a huge hug.

Lots of hugging and celebrating ensued...those of us who were wet wrapped up in towels and blankets...those who were dry got happy wet hugs.

Back on campus for the last Sunday night worship of the semester (and of my undergrad career) and a dry photo with my amazing friends and warriors.

G-d is good, so very very good!  I am so filled with joy right now...not other words describe it...those of you who know me well know I don't generally make puns on my own name...but that's the only way to describe how I feel.  Joyful.

The next three days are going to be papers and project and finals for me...and packing.  Graduation on Saturday, head for home Sunday...no matter where I go, I will never walk alone.

Remembering how to fly

I flew tonight and it was amazing.  I'd forgotten what it felt like to have wings on my feet.  After Dutch Dance street practice I was not ready to settle in for homework.  I'm two papers and one final away from graduating...motivation is at an all time low.  The sun had already started to set and my computer told me the temperatures were in the 70s (20s).  I decided to grab my bike (and some fluids) and head out and see if I could catch the tail end of the sunset. I told my whiteboard where I was going and when I'd be back and I took off.

I missed most the sunset because there was lots of low lying cloud cover.  Did see some pretty spiffy sun beams though:

When I hit one mile hill I just stopped pedaling and let gravity take over.  It was incredible.  The last time I was out on my bike the temperatures were just above freezing and there was snow and ice on the trails so I had to take it slow.  Not tonight. Tonight I was flying.  I felt the wind in my face, the music pumping through my ears...such incredible freedom.  It was just me and Jesus out there tonight and it was amazing. 

I didn't ride all the way to the dam tonight becuase I got a late start.  When about half my alotted time was up I turned around and headed back to campus.  I didn't think it was possible, but coming back was even better than going out.  I was half way up one mile hill before I realized I was on the hill...I ususally don't make it up the hill in one go...I hit a rythmn and just kept going.  My legs burned, my heart hurt, my lungs were gasping for air (maybe not taking my asthma medication for 1-2 weeks was a poor choice), but I was riding free and I loved it.  Pella, I'm going to miss your bike trails.  I'm going to miss flying...it just doesn't work so well on loose gravel.

The verse that came to mind while I was flying:

"but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
Isa 40:31

Oh, by the way, I graduate next week Saturday! (May 15)

Double your Joy

(from facebook, click "view original post" to read the whole post and see the pictures)

Just a quick note before I get to the "meat" of this post...I'm typing this with my computer screen enlarged to 150%.  My vision has become increasingly blurred over the last week or so and we aren't quite sure why yet.  So if you are the praying type, prayers would be appreciated.  We are hoping it's just a change in my eye glass prescription.

On to the good stuff...

Sometimes in college life gets really busy.  Especially if you are a senior and have a huge research project and stuff.  Sometimes you have to be in two or three places at the same time.  And you really ought to go to all the places.  Mostly because you are a senior and they are dinners in honor of the seniors.  But you haven't been in college for four years for nothing so you get really creative...

First you find a big piece of paper and a friend:

You lay really still and let your friend trace all around you.  Sometimes it's really awkward if your friend's roommate's parents come and you are laying really still and can't get up and greet them properly.  Ooooppppssss. Then you spread out in the hallway (because your room is too full of books and other important stuff...or just plain too messy) and pick out the clothes your double is going to wear and start painting them:

Add a watch so that your double will always know what time it is and be on time for all the important functions you need to be at:

(The watch says "N:OW"...sorry the pic isn't very clear)

Next, add some important jewelery:

(medic alert, kayak bracelet, trip bracelet)

Realize that you would fail if you tried to draw your own face so find a friend to come do your face and hair:

(Go Ami!  You're doing a great job!)

(Face and hair all done)

Realize that if you are going to a dinner, you really need something on your feet, so add some socks:

Cut yourself out and hand yourself on the wall to finish drying overnight:

(It is a little disconcerting to wake up in the morning and see yourself hanging on the wall)

Finally, deliver yourself to the people who will take your double to the event that you can't go to because you are at a different event:

(Yeah Mary!)

Now, if I could just get my double to do my homework and take my finals for me it would be even more wonderful. For now, I'll just let her attend senior dinners for me.

3 weeks

(from facebook, click "view original post" to see rest the note)
It's a weird feeling.  In about 3 weeks, I will be done here. I have about 20 classes left (provided I counted properly and included the right cancellations and meetings), 3 or 4 finals (depending how you count them and which classes actually have finals), 2 out of class papers, and 1 presentation left to go. And 200-300 pages of readings for classes left to do.  Then I graduate.
Am I ready?  yes and no.
Part of me is ready to be done with this part of my education, but the most of me is not ready to leave.  If you had asked me four years ago, while I was still finishing high school and prepping to go back to Germany for the summer, if Pella would become home and Central my family, the answer would have been "no way". and the answer would have been wrong.   If you had asked me the same question even the first week I was here, the answer would have been the same.  I cried my first night here.  If you asked me now, the answer would "yes!"
During my first three years here I think I questioned every year whether or not this is where I was supposed to be, and at various times may have even seriously looked at other schools, closer to home.  I'm glad I stayed here. G-d has done such incredible things in my four years here and I have been so blessed.  Yes there have been rough times. Times so rough that I jsut wanted to quit school and go home, but G-d has blessed me so abudantly.  Within the first little time here He provided me with an incredible network of supportive friends.  Friends who went above and beyond to be there for me, no matter how difficult I was (and I was difficult at times) and even though many of that first group have graduated, there has still been an incredible group of people surrounding me and supporting me.
This year when I came to campus I had no intention of seeking out new relationships.  If I did, it would just be harder to leave.  G-d had other plans.  The people he has brought into my life this year, people I did not know before, have been incredible.  Walking with them, having them walk with me, goofing off with them, playing badminton with them at midnight, hugging them, crying with them, rejoicing with them...all of it has made this year a richer expereince.
I have three weeks left.  I can't even begin to imagine how incredible those three weeks are going to be.  I have some plans in place for them (a cloning event, dutch dancing, picnics of multiple sorts, etc), but I'm sure there are things that will happen that I never even imagined.
3 weeks here, home for the summer, and then off to Western, in  Holland, MI.  Will Western become home and family to me?  No way! ;)

The picture really has nothing to do with my note...it was just a cool picture I took yesterday.  I ike the water drops on the tulip.

The sky is falling!

No, for reals, the sky is falling.  I just saw it.  With my own eyes.  And so did other people. I was coming back from the library post research and stopped at the pond to talk with a friend. While we were talking about how I needed to go put water on for tea, two more friends stopped by and we chatted for a bit.  Then suddenly, one pointed to the sky and said "Look!"  we all looked up and saw what we thought was a shooting star...but then it got bigger and caught on fire...the best way to describe it is like a comet, but not quite.  Very very bright, and hurtling towards earth.  As it got closer to earth there was lightening, like sheet lightening, but a weird color. Then it was over.  If there was an explosion of sorts, it was too far away for us to hear.  My three friends went in the opposite direction of me and I headed back to my room to put water on for the ASL version of Tea and Tales.  While I was going back to my room, more people came and were like "Did you see that? Did you see that?"  They had seen the same thing, so unless there is something really weird in Pella's water, the sky really is falling.

If I was not on a self-imposed, friend enforced, facebook sabbatical, this would make a way cool status update...(that's about the third time I've thought something along those lines tonight). 
By the way, I have 55 participants for my project and three more sign-up up to go tomorrow (my last day).  The goal was 60, but I'll quit after 58 if I have to.  I'm tired of it.

Funny from today

Admist the stress and craziness of ARP and graduation and summer planning (or maybe because of it) strange stuff happens and there is nothing I can do but laugh about and then share it with all of you.
I was sitting in philosophy class today and we had already established that the collective body of knowledge from our class consisted of the fact that it was Monday and that 2 + 2 = 4.  (We later also established that barking dogs bark and fleeking zerbitzes fleek and squares have four sides, but those all took prompting)  The entire class period my right hearing aid had been bothering me.  It just didn't sound right or feel right. I'd just given it a fresh battery late last week, so I knew that wasn't the problem, and I'd checked it for ickies before putting it in and it was clean, so I knew that wasn't the problem.  Finally, after about 40 minutes, I was ready to give up on it and take it out.  So I reached up to turn it off and take it out, only to realize that I had failed to actually turn it on.  I turned it on and it worked just fine.   That's just kind of the picture of my day today...that and singing the VeggieTales theme song before Pre-min seminar tonight, just because.

One more funny before bed (told to me by my friend K).  I was standing in the hall talking to my friend A and K was in her room with the door slightly open.
Me: do you want to do it here? maybe we should go sit down. 
A: maybe we could
Me: I mean, I could do it here, I've done it in the hall before...
A: let's go to my room.
So apparently that little exchange sounds really humerous if you have no idea what we are talking about and it made K laugh.  (We were just discussing where some editing should take place...stop being so silly!)

That's all for tonight.  Sleepy time for me! Hope I made you smile.

Sunday Again

So once again it is Sunday and I feel obligated to put something up here.  This week has been a bit up and down, with lots going on.  Advanced Research in Psychology (ARP) is eating my life. If you are a Central student, living on campus, or if you know a Central student living on campus and you have not yet participated in my research project and are willing to give me about 30 minutes of your time, please, please, please, let me know.  I'm about 13 participants short of my magic number and I present my research on the 27th, which means it has to be all wrapped up and pretty by about the 23rd, which means I need people! It also means I need to actaully do my lit review...I don't like lit reviews.  But when I get this done, I will be that much closer to graduation, which means I will be that much closer to more school...
Aside from ARP school has been crazy busy, but that's life.  I may have to hibernate from the internet world for awhile this week and get papers done.  Aside from the ARP paper, I have a philosophy paper due Friday and a Cog Psych article review due Monday....
Aside from school, life has been decent.  The weather has been much nicer which makes staying in and working that much harder.  I"ve had a bit of health stuff going on this week that has caused some concern, but I'm hoping it's nothing serious.  If you are the praying type, some prayers would be appreciated.  I really don't have time to be sick right now.
Prayers would also be appreciated as I make decisions about the summer.  I'm not sure yet what I will be doing/where I'll be living/what the best plan is, and time is running out to sort that out, so yeah...prayers would be good.
Now I need to attack some more homework before going to the Calm.  I'm excited for the Calm.  I kinda really like Jesus time.

Seder Pictures

Here's some pictures from my makeshift seder tonight.  It was a little weird doing seder on Easter and not on the Thursday afore Good Friday, but it really was combining two of my favorite holidays, so it works.

Charoset before it turned brown...no nuts this year because bad stuff happens if I eat nuts.

The kitchen table at school as I worked...

Very nice looking GF, egg free Matzo balls, before they failed

Matzo ball fail.  But the pudding type stuff should make a decent breakfast. It tastes alright.

Our makeshift Seder plate...we were missing horseradish (Maror) and the shankbone (Zeroah)

Our table.

Easter is HERE!

Anybody who knows me well know that I love Easter.  I love Easter more than any other holiday.  Even more that Christmas.  I am an Easter person.
Not being able to go home for Easter this year was tough.  I would rather miss Christmas with my family than miss Easter with them.  I jsut love the whole season.  I love lent (I know, I'm strange.  If you didn't know that by now, it's time you learned).  I love memorizing verses with my brothers and sisters and hanging them on the memory cross.  I love helping mom make the play-doh for her class.  I love Palm Sunday and watching the kids process in, poking each other in the eye with palm branches and singing the same songs I sang when I was one of them.  I love welcoming the new members into our congregation. I love cleaning the house for the seder.  I love getting out the passover dishes and setting the tables.  I love the smell of all the different foods as they arrive on Thursday evening.  I love the somberness of church on Good Friday morning and the potluck that follows.  I love eating leftovers from the seder on Saturday.  I love Easter morning.  I love waking up and knowing that today we are going to be celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ. I love hunting for my Easter basket.  I love reciting my verses so I can get my clues so I can find my eggs.
I love going to church and greeting everyone with a hug and the words "Christ is risen" and hearing the response "He is risen indeed".  I love getting together as a family and dying dozens of eggs with white crayons and dye and then sitting down to eat them with bread and butter and meat (and raisin bread!) and smashing them into each other (or someone's head).  And I love Easter Monday, even if it does just mean more homework and such.
Yes, I love Easter and not being able to be home for any of it this year was hard, but, G-d is good. Last night as I sat at my computer journalling, talking (instant messaging) with friends and working on my paper (I like to multi-task...) and G-d brought some scriptures to my mind.  Some really good ones (All scripture is good, but these were especially meaningful at the time).  I grabbed a book to try and find some more clarity on the topic and ended up stumbling (not literally) onto some really good stuff that I needed to read right then.  G-d is good, G-d is faithful, and G-d blesses me so much.  Hallelu....JAH!
I finally went to bed at about 1:15 this morning...when it comes to Easter I'm worse than a kid on Christmas Eve, no joking.  I love Easter.  Then I was up shortly after 5 so that I could be at church for the 6am sunrise service.  Yeah Easter! We sang some of my favorite Easter hymns and everyone else had communion and then we had breakfast and then more church...After that though, it was nap time.
After nap I went down to the kitchen to start prepping for the seder.  At home we usually do the seder on Thursday afore Good Friday, but when you are in college you improvise sometimes.  Really most of the seder was improvised this year.  I was celebrating with friends who had never celebrated before though, so they didn't know the difference.  Now I am very full and very content.  I like Easter a whole lot.

How to Write a Paper (in 45 simple steps)

Remember, if you are viewing this post through facebook notes you need to click "view original post" in order to see the entire note...


As a college student I often have to write papers.  I have a feeling most college students find themselves in this place frequently.  So a little "how-to"....
1. Put on your painting clothes.  Paper writing could get messy.
2. Turn on some fun tunes.
3. Open a word processor and type a title.
4. Make a sketch of your next painted masterpiece.
5.  Have a snack.  Paper writing is hungry work.
6. Write a few sentences.
7. Gaze longingly out the window at the beautiful weather.
8. Go on facebook and update your status.  Something about how awful it is that you have to write this paper.
9. Erase what you've written and start again.
10. Work on your painting.
11. Go on facebook and check your groups.  Someone may have posted an important question.
12. Type a few sentences.
13.  Have a snack.
14.  Go upstairs and give your friends hugs.  After all, it takes 4 hugs a day just to survive...
15.  Rewrite your title.  After all, the title is the most important part of the paper (Especially if Joe B. is your prof)
16.  Go on YouTube and check out the video that everyone was talking about in class.
17. Get inspired and type a whole paragraph.
18.  Realize that your paint has dried enough that you can do the next step. Paint some more.
19.  Go outside and chase a few squirrels, just for fun.
20.  Go to lunch for a couple hours.
21.  Panic over how little you've accomplished and type diligently for about 5 minutes.
22.  Go on facebook and read everyone's status updates.
23.  Facebook chat.
24. Do some more painting.
25. Type some more on your paper.
26. Grab a friend and go for a walk (or watch a movie, depending on the weather)
27.  Nap time. Paper writing is exhausting!
28.  Go on facebook and look at everyone's photos from last weekend.
29. Type a few more sentences.
30. Read children's books to your friends.  They needed a study break.
31. Check all your friends' blogs.  You might miss something important if you don't.
32. Decide to make a blog post of your own.
33.  Go to supper.  Spend a couple hours there.
34. Resolve to work on your paper and nothing else until it is done.
35. Watch the sunset and take pictures.
36.  Post the pictures on facebook.
37. Realize your paper is due in the morning and you have wasted the entire day.  Panic, close facebook and all forms of IM.
38.  Eat a snack.
39. Get bored with your paper and go on facebook to see who else is still up working on papers.
40. Do some detail work on your painting. (you need a study break every once in awhile)
41. Finish your paper, go to the lab to print it, realize the printer is out of paper, decide to print it in the morning and go to bed.
42. Stumble into class with your freshly printed paper and eyes half open.
43. Turn in paper.
44. Vow never to procrastinate on a paper again.
45. Repeat.