Precious moments

This morning in church I sat right in front of 4 year old Abel and his dad.  I often sit in front of Abel and his family or across the aisle from them.  Today when it was time for the morning offering to be received, Abel decided that he was going to help his dad collect the offering (Abel's dad is a deacon).  Without missing more than a beat or two, Abel's dad handed him an offering plate and the two of them collected the offering together.  Abel was so proud as he passed the plate down the rows of people, and the look on his face as he walked down the center aisle with his dad and the other deacon to present the offering filled my heart with joy.  I got a high five from him as he went back to his seat.

Last week Friday I celebrated communion with 4 year old Miriam snuggled on my lap.  As the communion liturgy was read/recited she nearly quivered with excitement.  As I took the wafer and dipped it in the grape juice, she took a wafer and dipped it in the grape juice.  She knew that Jesus had died for her sins too.  Because she had been raised in a church (they had no Sunday School), she knew what communion was and she knew that this was part of her faith life.  When we were finished, she twisted around on my lap and smiled up at me. We shared that sacred moment together.

Children are not the future of our church. They are the church. They are the church now.  They will not become the church.  They are the church.

When will we realize this and stop sending them off to Sunday is the basement while we have church?  Why do we pretend to ourselves that once they are older they will want a part in the very church sent them off to their own space, their own classroom the entire time they were growing up?

Children can participate in "big church".  Abel collected offering this morning.  Children can greet people and hand out bulletins.  They can pass out cookies after church.  They can sing the songs and learn the readings and liturgy that we use week after week.

Children are the church now. Today.  In this time.

These are precious moments that we can't afford to miss.  If we miss these moments, then the church WILL die.  There is no doubt about that.

And a little child shall lead them...

Yesterday was the annual all seminary retreat.  I'm going to decline commenting on the content of the retreat for the most part at this point (that might come later).  For now, I'm going to talk about the ending.  As normal (well, as much as I can judge normal, having been to a grand total of 2 all sem retreats) we closed with a communion service. Now I love communion.  Especially at seminary because I get to participate. Yesterday was the first time I'd been able to take communion since May, so that was pretty cool.
Anyhow, we're all sitting in the amphitheater at Camp Geneva as we prepare for communion.  We go through the Great Prayer of Thanksgiving, all the appropriate liturgy is read and the invitation is issued, "Come for all things are now ready".  I was sitting behind two boys, ages 4 and 1.5 (I think...somewhere around there).  The older one has taken communion before and understands what happens during communion.  The younger one, not so much.  At the invitation, the younger one rushed forward, eager to partake.  He was quickly summoned back by his parents, but I smiled.
This little one, this child, may have understood better than any of the rest of us.  He wanted to be part of this. He was not concerned about waiting his turn or walking slowly and quietly.  The leader had said "come" and he came.  What if we all had the faith that that child unknowingly demonstrated?  What if we really took that invitation seriously? What if we had that kind of righteous abandon?  It's a happy thought.  As the scriptures say, we must become like little children if we want to enter the kingdom of G-d.

Seminary people processes from the chapel to the amphitheater 

A2CW: Addicted to Christian Weed

Do you ever start to think about something and then think about something else and eventually end up right back where you started?  That’s a spruce loop.  Some people might call it rabbit trail, but spruce loop is the far better term.   Besides, spruce trees smell better than rabbit poop any day of the week.

Anyhow, we were driving home from some place the other day and I was thinking about a particular time in which I’d gotten lost.  It was a time when I really ought to have known my way, but because of the state my brain was in during that period of my life and because I’d taken some prescription medication that exacerbated the condition, I was in no position to give even the simplest directions (think drunk and high). Anyhow, while I was thinking about that event my brain stumbled upon another event from close to the same time period in my life...

It feels like half a lifetime ago, though in reality it was only about 7 or 8 years ago or so, so about a third of my lifetime ago really.  I hung out with some pretty awesome people that summer.  And by pretty awesome, I mean super awesome.  I don’t know where all of them are now, and that makes me sad, but so goes life. I miss them though and think of them all often.  The ones I have stayed in touch with are mostly married now and some even have children of their own.  There are a few of us left that I know of who are still single.  Often, I wish we could go back to that summer, share what we shared then.

Life was in many ways easier then. We dealt with some pretty crazy stuff that summer, but now, looking back, it seems like such little things compared to all that has happened since then.  That summer, I hadn’t yet learned how to deal with a high school student who was suicidal.  My struggle with an eating disorder and depression hadn’t quite begun yet, though it did follow not overly long afterwards.  I didn’t have a clue what life with seizures was like.  I had no idea what feelings would run through my mind when a doctor would tell me that I was potentially terminal (he was wrong by the way). The struggles we had, although they seemed major then, and some of them were fairly major, all shrink in comparison to everything that has happened since then (and there is a whole bunch I’m not sharing in this public of a forum).  And that’s okay.  That’s not was this is about.  Just a bit of explanation as to why that summer feels like half a lifetime ago.  Think of it has a mini spruce loop.

That summer I was introduced to Christian Weed.  In fact, of the many quotes that graced our quote board (which I almost want to pull out and read, but it’s packed away and I’m tired), one of the few I can remember right now, off the top of my head, is “A2CW” which stood for “Addicted to Christian Weed”.  (The other one I can remember is “Jesus thinks you’re cool” or JTYC), and that is what I began thinking about as I thought about being lost - Christian Weed.

Christian Weed was how we referred to that feeling we got after an all night prayer vigil or a spontaneous session of worship or a time of intense prayer.  It was that feeling of being so filled with the spirit that it overflowed and bubbled out of us, making us laugh uncontrollably or jump and sing with complete abandon, the joy of the Lord that made us completely undignified before our King. That feeling was so addicting, our hunger for the Lord was so strong, that we would do whatever it took to get back to that place and stay in it.  Although there was nothing wrong with that, in fact, there was so much good about it, I wonder though, if maybe perhaps we were a little misguided.

We were addicted to Christian weed. We were searching for one spiritual high after another, always trying to experience that again.  But, like with any drug, no high is ever as high as the first one.  Perhaps it would have been better if we were truly addicted to Jesus, not just to Christian weed.  I’m not saying we weren’t addicted to Jesus, for there is no doubt in my mind that we were all crazy about Jesus.  Our addiction to Jesus is what led us to Christian weed in the first place (Does that make Jesus a gateway drug?), but somehow I think our focus, or at least mine, got shifted away from Jesus and more to towards Christian weed and the feelings that went with worshiping Jesus.  The problem with that is, feelings aren’t always reliable.  When depression took over (and nearly took) my life shortly thereafter, I couldn’t get that high.  No matter how hard I sought it, I couldn’t get the Jesus high.  I couldn’t get high about anything.  I could seek that high all I wanted, but I could never get there.  Instead of seeking Jesus and longing for him, I longed for Christian weed. 

Now, even though my fight with depression has been mostly won (every now and then it rears its ugly head), that habit is sometimes still there.  Sometimes I still find myself longing for a hit of Christian weed.  I search long and hard after it, instead of searching long and hard after Jesus, the only one who can really give me that high.

I don’t blame anyone for that habit.  In fact, I think I have learned a lot from it.  I also cannot say that everyone from that summer had the same experience.  Even though we were all in the same place, we didn’t necessarily have the same experience.  My experience is valid only for me.

Which brings me full circle to where I started.  Sometimes, my brain loses focus and I get lost.  I start searching for what I want instead of what I know I need.  It’s simple, something I’ve known for a long time, but I still can’t always remember it.  The time I was remembering about getting lost (the story at the very beginning of this post) was when I was trying to give someone directions from my high school to home.  I should have known that.  I had known it for a long time, but because my brain was on a binge, I couldn’t do it.  

When my brain and spirit long after a hit of Christian weed I forget that all I really need to do is turn to Jesus and long after him instead.  In the end, He’ll be better than any hit and He will keep me from getting lost. And even when I do get lost, He'll still be there to guide me back to the right path, to get me home even when  I can no longer help myself.

Perhaps it's time to say goodbye to Christian weed and figure out some sort of catchy slogan that communicates an addiction to Jesus instead of to feelings.

And perhaps it is also time to conclude this particular spruce loop.

Happy News-es

This post is all full of happy news-es.  No sad news-es allowed.  Okay? go!

30 days without seizures is great.  This is a good sign that the meds are working.

• Classis exams are done.  I passed all of the exams I took today.

It's coming!!!!

• It's almost baby season!
• I got to have conversations about Celiac Disease and disability awareness/accessibility in churches today.
• My sister made rhubarb crisp from fresh rhubarb and gave me a piece for bedtime snack while it was still warm.
• Sunday is tomorrow!
• It's bedtime!

Symposium

This is going to be short.  I've been up since about 3:30am and am exhausted.  I was a bit excited for symposium so I didn't sleep well.  We (being me and LDK) left about 7 this morning to drive to GR.  It was freezing rain out so it took a little while, but we made it there safely.  We got there and I checked in.  After checking in I stopped by the info booth and asked about my interpreters.  I was led to the first place where I would be and introduced to my interpreters.  We had a bit of time before the session so I got a chance to converse with them and get to know them a little. Then things got started.
Symposium was the first time I had ever requested interpreters.  In the past I've always just limped along with lip reading and guessing. So I wasn't quite sure what to expect.  I had nothing to be worried about.  They were phenomenal.  I felt like I could actually understand what was going on in both worship and in my workshops. They signed with a mixture of ASL and Signed English (that's how I sign) and that, combined with what I could hear, was a perfect mix. They didn't just tell me words, but expressed emotion, told me which instruments were playing, told me when people were laughing... I learned some new signs, practiced old ones, and felt comfortable doing it.
Now though, I am completely exhausted so I need to make sure I have everything ready for church in the morning, take my shower and crawl in bed, hoping I sleep better tonight than last night.  There might be more on this topic later.