Benediction

"It takes four hugs a day just to survive..."
Overall it had been an interesting worship service.  About what I had expected. Loud music, charismatic speaker.  I was seated in the front left corner, a perfect spot to lip read the speaker and the musicians.

"eight hugs a day to maintain..."
This is where things were starting to get confusing for me.  What kind of benediction was this? Some sort of feel good benediction to get us through the week?  Something that lacked theological support, something to keep from offending people from various denominations.

"twelve to really grow...."
This was all making sense to me. Hugs are good.  Hugs help you feel connected.  Being connected is good.  This was something I could carry with me through the week, think about as I made new friends in a new place.

"You decide"
The room erupted.  Everyone was hugging everyone else. What was going on? Why were all these people okay with it?

I froze.

That first night was was overwhelming.

Fast forward four years.

I was sitting at the church service just before graduation. The same pastor was speaking that first night. I watched his every word.  We stood for the benediction.  I waited for the words I had come to expect every week.   They didn't come.  My heart broke a little.  Many of us hugged anyways and then we left. A few hours later we graduated.

What had changed in those four years?  Four years.  A very short portion of my life, yet a part of my life that I will never, ever forget.  These people became my family.  They were the ones who held me when I cried, made me laugh so hard that my nose wiggled, and went on adventures with me.  We shared incredible joys and we shared incredible sorrows with each other.  We celebrated as friends got engaged and married, we mourned as friends died. We had fights and we made up afterwards.
But then we left.

We promised to stay in touch, but we still left.
And some of us did stay in touch, but some of us...

I wish I could go back, back to those four years, back to that last day with them and hug and hug and hug.
I wish I had people here that I could hug like that. I wish I had a community that hugged like that.

Four hugs a day just to survive, eight to maintain, twelve to grow.  You decide.

Listening Prayer (Prayer Request)

When I was still at Central, about every two weeks or so we had an "event" where we would meet to engage in listening prayer for each other. It probably happened more often in less formal settings, but I was only there on Saturdays.  On the off weeks we'd meet and receive a teaching.
In listening prayer, we'd circle up around someone, often laying hands on them, and ask G-d for a word for them. One of the neatest things about praying in this way is that we didn't know subjectively what the person needed, sometimes we didn't even know who the person was.  We didn't ask for prayer requests, just that G-d would show us what the person in the center needed.  People would get words or pictures or song lyrics, anything really.  To the person getting it directly from G-d, it often felt random and out of place, but when shared with the person in the center, it usually was exactly what they needed to hear - not always, sometimes it was just "bad pizza", so there was always a process of discernment involved for the person that the "message" was for (the person in the center).
I liked it not only because I received a lot of powerful words from G-d, and got to be part of speaking truth into other people's lives, but because when we prayed in this way, we could be reasonably sure that what others were hearing from G-d on our behalf was not a creation of our own mind.

I'm human.  I know what I want to hear from G-d. It's just how it is.  Even when I try to listen well to G-d, I always am stuck in the place trying to sort out if what I heard from G-d was actually from G-d or if it was a creation of my very powerful imagination trying to keep me happy.  Maybe you know what this is like too, since I'm guessing that you are indeed human and know what you want too.

Right now I'm in a place where I could really use some people to engage in listening prayer on my behalf.  I know what I want to hear from G-d.  I know what I think I've heard from G-d, but I don't know if what I think I've heard is really from G-d, or if it's my subconscious trying to keep me happy.  Can you listen to G-d on my behalf?  Listen hard and intentionally and share with me what he tells you, even if it seems completely random to you?
I'm purposely not saying what I'm trying to figure out/what area of my life I really need to hear from G-d in right now, because if I do, then the temptation is there for you to try and figure out what I want to hear or what you think is best for me to hear, even if you don't mean to.  I want to avoid that.  So please, pray for me and let me know what G-d tells you.  It would seriously mean a ton to me. In the meantime, I'll keep trying to discern if what I'm hearing is from G-d, "bad pizza" or my own imagination. 


If you don't want to post what you hear in the comments, let me know and I'll tell you other ways to reach me.  Or just use one of the other ways that you already know. :)

More than a Meal

Recently I took a trip to my former college to see some friends and spend my break. One night as I sat in the dining hall I began to reflect on my food-related experiences in college. It would have been easy for me to make a case to be exempt from meal plan. I mean, for me, eating is a very dangerous activity. The college also could have easily requested that I not be on meal plan.  Trying to safely feed me is a challenge that few people undertake (The short list of my allergies includes gluten, corn, dairy, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, tomatoes, banana, pineapple, kiwi, and shellfish. At least 6 of those present with skin blistering on contact, anaphylaxis upon ingestion).  Central College however decided to take on the challenge of trying to feed me and I decided to let them.  In all honesty, I really didn't want to try and cook three meals a day for myself on top of being a student.  Central went above and beyond to make sure that I had food at every meal.  In all four years that I was at Central, the only times I got sick from food were times that I had made less than wise choices (eating food without checking the ingredients, eating food from the fryers).  Which is super impressive.  I mean, really super impressive.  Very few people/kitchens can pull that off.
As I sat and reflected upon my experiences with food, I came to realize that the staff (dietary manager, cooks, servers, etc) did far more than just provide me with food options that wouldn't kill me.  Food is a central part of social life on a college campus and the dining hall is the center of food.  On a campus with only 3 options for meal plan (the main dining hall, a fast food type place called GSC, and the Cafe), it was pretty safe to assume that most students would eat at least one meal a day in the main dining hall.  The main dining hall was also a hub of activity, especially when things got busy (so, basically, all the time).  If you wanted to catch up with a friend, it was easy to say "Let's have a lunch date".  Need a meeting time for a small group Bible study or GIG?  Everyone has to eat, why not hold it at the dining hall?  Want to practice language skills? Sit at the German or Spanish table.  Thinking about studying abroad?  Go to a Lunch and Learn.
By allowing me to be on meal plan, and making meal plan easy for me, all of these social opportunities were opened to me.  I ate almost every day with a group called "the Table".  We (almost) always sat in the same spot in the dining hall, and there was always more room at the table.  It was a time where important news was shared, where schedules were coordinated, where we could check in with each other and make sure we were doing alright.  If I hadn't been on meal plan, I would have missed out on all of that.
I would have missed out on Study Day picnic, an event which grew out of my propensity for sitting on the floor randomly to eat (people would ask me where I wanted to sit, I'd say "right here" and sit down wherever I was.  Eventually it became an organized event with a picnic blanket and everything).
Some people see meals as nothing more than a chance to eat, but they are so much more than that.  So much of our culture revolves around food.  When the dining staff decided to make an effort to provide me with safe food options, they were concerned about feeding my body.  What they ended up doing was feeding my life.
Sometimes life is like that.  People intend to meet one need and end up meeting another, often far greater need.  Or they fail to meet a need and end up failing to meet another, far greater need.
You may never know what what deeper need you'll meet by making the effort to meet a need on the surface, what wounds you'll heal by reaching out to someone.  Likewise, you may never know how much you'll deepen wounds by failing to meet surface needs.
Remember, what you do on the surface often runs much much deeper.

Unexpected Hope

It had been a nearly perfect day to end off my spring break.  The sun had been shining, the temperature was warm enough for shirt sleeves (almost outright hot in the sun!), and I'd spent the day visiting with dear friends. It was evening now, about 7pm and there was one thing left one my list of things I wanted to do on break: Watch the sunset.  I would have preferred to go to the lake to watch, but that wasn't an option (and we do have lakes in Michigan), so I headed out to the soccer fields.  On the way I met a friend who said that she thought we were in for a spectacular sunset.  The cloud cover seemed just right, it was warm out.  My heart was happy.  I was looking forward to a spectacular sunset with bright, vivid colors.  Iowa has some pretty spectacular sunsets and I was ready to be romanced by my King.

I settled down onto my perch on the hill by the soccer fields, my camera in hand, a bag of grapes and my water bottle beside.  My Bible lay open on the ground beside me. My journal was in my bag so that I could jot down prayers or thoughts that came to me.  It was going to be a great night.

Then I saw it.  A massive cloud mass coming in from the north.  It all but obscured the sunset.  My heart sank. This was not going to be the spectacular sunset I had hoped for. I dropped my gaze to the grass and concentrated on eating my grapes, pouting a little on the inside.  I glanced up again and realized that the colors had changed. I watched in awe as the colors morphed, very slowly, before my eyes.  The changes were almost indiscernible.  I noticed them most when I looked away for a time, to study my text that I'll be preaching on it a week or to pick the perfect grape out of my bag.  When I looked back, it would have morphed into a new type of beauty.  It wasn't the spectacular sunset I had hoped for, it was far better, for in the slow, gradual changes, I found a lesson.

Often we come before G-d expecting something big.  We ask for healing and expect it to come right away, in a big, spectacular sort of way.  We ask for Him to remove the storms from our lives and expect them to be gone like the waves and wind in Mark 4.  We ask Him to free us from our demons and expect them to thrown into the abyss immediately.  But it doesn't work that way.  We don't get a big spectacular healing, the storms are still there and the demons still haunt us.  We are disappointed and pout.  We know that we serve a big G-d, a G-d who has a history of doing spectacular things.  We have seen spectacular things in the past.  Why not today?  Why not this time?  Why not in this situation?

It is then that we need to realize that G-d is working.  He is making changes.  He has something far greater to teach us through the small gradual, barely indiscernible, changes.  Slowly He is bringing healing.  Slowly He is calming our storms.  Slowly He is freeing us from our demons.   Sometimes He chooses to respond in spectacular ways, but far more often, it is the slow and steady that He uses to romance us.  It doesn't mean He isn't answering our prayers or that He isn't working.  He's just working in a different way.  Just like the sun was still setting.

Pella, Part 6

This particular post in the Pella series is dedicated to the "natural" things I photographed during my break. Things that are just as much a part of Central as the people...and maybe even more so, because they never go away.

A sunset through a dorm room window.  

Two of the three geese that live on the pond.  I'm not quite sure how this family of three thing works, but they seem to get along fine.  

A goose looking all tall and proud.

The "mama-to-be" working on her nest.  No eggs yet, she's not spending enough time on the nest for there to be eggs in it yet.  Last year I got to watch her lay an egg.  It was neat. 

The trees were just starting to bud.  Lots of pollen in the air.  Hooray allergies! 

Sunset at the soccer fields. 

Look for a post inspired by this sunset in the next day or so (I'll put a link up once the post goes live)

Pella, Part 5

Walt the Pocket Kangaroo helped me shelve books in the library one day.  I used to work in the library and I missed shelving books and pulling markers, so Lana let me work some. 

Study Hall in the Lower Chapel is the cool place to be. 

The Lower Chapel is also a great place for life chats and praying with friends. 

Walt the Pocket Kangaroo enjoyed sitting in the sun journaling by the pond with me. 

Walt the Pocket Kangaroo also enjoyed the sunny weather for reading outside in the sun.  I think we were reading a preaching book at this point. 

Sarah G got "stuck" in the telephone booth. 

We decided to engage in some foolishness and built a camera stand so we could take a picture of ourselves with the telephone booth.  It was an adventure.

Pella, Part 4

This post could also have been called "Adventures with Chelsea Bell and Sara", because that is what it is.  Chelsea Bell (who really loves squirrels) and Sara are wonderful friends of mine.  I had two sleepovers with them this week.  Last year, we often had "Tea and Tales" together (at Ten Thirty in room Two-Thirty-something on Tuesdays and Thursdays).  They make me smile really much and I value their friendship immensely. 

Sara hanging out on her bed.  She would intermittently give Chelsea the "stink eye", but I told her I wouldn't take a picture of that. 

I don't actually know what happened here...I do know they were throwing the pink and green flower thingy at each other. 

Sara, Snowball, Chelsea and Chelsea's friend (I'm bad with names...) posing for a picture. 

Snowball and Albus were having an in-depth conversation. 

Sampson decided to join in. He has missed Snowball and Albus. 

Chelsea Bell and Sara were getting ready for story time.  Except they laughed a lot during my story and it really wasn't a laughing story.  But I still love them!

For more pictures of adventures with Chelsea Bell and Sara, click here

Pella, Part 3

My Pella adventures have been continuing.  One day I got to spend the afternoon with a dear friend (Kathy) and her adorable children (Porter, age 2 and Alise, age 4 months).  Kathy was very dear to me throughout my time at Central.  We met almost weekly all four years to drink tea and talk about life.  Porter joined us for tea throughout (as soon as he was big enough to drink tea, he started drinking it too).  Alise was just born this year so I had not met her yet.  I was super excited to meet this little girl who I had been praying for ever since the day last May when Kathy gave me a hug and told me she had something to tell me (actually, I suspected before she told me, but that's beside the point).

Baby Alise was sleeping when I got there, but that didn't last too terribly long

Alise was enjoying her new blanket

We went to the park while Kathy ran an errand.  Porter loved crawling around (and playing in the sand)

Alise snuggled up in the sling and slept the whole time

Snack time!

Walt the Pocket Kangaroo also met Alise

All of us together!

Pella, Part 2

My adventures in Pella continue.  I spend a lot of time in the chapel "study hall".  I do actually get some studying done.  But....

...sometimes strange things happen in the chapel.

The guys just take it in stride...

And then decide to join in...

This chair was a poor choice.  Not comfy.

This chair was a good choice.  Very comfy.

The best part of this whole strangeness is that 3 of the 5 people hanging upside down from the furniture were getting paid to do it. 

Pella, Part 1

I'm spending my spring break in Pella, at Central College, where I did my undergrad work.  Walt the Pocket Kangaroo is my travelling partner and we are having all kinds of adventures.  Sometimes I remember to take pictures of these adventures.  Here's a sampling from the first few days:

We crossed the Mississippi into Iowa and it was sunny.  We had a big icky storm around Chicago so the sunshine was welcome.  It was also warmer in Iowa than in Michigan.

Iowa is a real place.  It is more than a state of mind (that was for you Rob!).  States of mind don't come with road signs.

I felt a little like a tourist and got my picture taken with the huge wooden shoes.  In all the 4 years I was here, I never got a picture with the shoes...

It's spring time in Pella.  There were pretty flowers blooming.

I went on a walk with these two wonderful people (Pinky and Jesse).  Jesse and I *may have* made eyes at each other (just to make Pinky mad. She doesn't like to share)

Glory to G-d

I wrote the bulk of this post a couple days ago already in anticipation of today.  Though today didn't quite go as planned (a sinus infection/upper respiratory infection took a turn for the much worse I ended up on oxygen in the hospital for awhile), I can still rest assured in the promises G-d has given me.  He will never leave me nor forsake me and the healing He gives me is sure.  Now, on to real post.
November 11, 2008
I sat at my desk in my dorm room, half doing homework and half chatting with a friend online.  I was part way through my 3rd semester at college and had gotten into the routine of homework, classes and hanging out with friends.  I knew when I could afford to chat online and when I needed to give homework 100% of my attention. This was one of those nights were there was nothing pressing that I had to focus on, so I chatted away.  I don't even remember what we were talking about, but I sent a message telling my friend I didn't feel well.  That was the last she heard from me.  Concerned, she called a mutual friend who lived in my building.  The mutual friend came to check on me and found me on the floor.  I had evidently just had my first seizure.  My friend tried to convince me to let her take me to the hospital, but I refused. I had sustained a fairly significant head injury and refused to see reason.  My friend, in her wisdom, made a deal with me that if I wasn't any better the next day or if I had another seizure, I'd let her take me in.  She spent the night checking on me every couple of hours to make sure I was still conscious.  I'm not sure what I ever did to deserve a friend like her.
November 12, 2008
I spent most of the day extremely disoriented.  I may have even gone to some of the wrong classes.  I don't actually remember much from that day.  At some point, presumably towards the evening, I had another seizure.  This time there was no doubt about it.  I was with my friends and they saw everything.  Even with a fairly significant head injury I kept my end of the deal up and let my friends bring me to the hospital.  I don't think I had enough strength left to protest anyways.  I was admitted to hospital that night, following a CT scan that showed some abnormalities in my brain.  The doctors weren't very hopeful that I'd live long. The hospital chaplain came to make sure I was ready to go Home.  My mom made the trip from Canada to Iowa to be with me.
The Next Two Years
A lot happened over the next two years.  I went through a slew of different anti-epileptic drugs.  None of them worked.  I saw neurosurgeon after neurosurgeon.  None of them had any answers.  I had two prolonged hospital stays for testing, three periods where I was wired to a heart monitor.  There were never any conclusive answers.
Throughout all of it, I had the support of an amazing community of faith.  They prayed for me and with me.  They held me the nights that I sobbed.  They fed my mom while she stayed on campus with me.  One very special person even left her family to come live with me, providing care for me so that I could stay on campus and continue with my education.  My faith community took me to doctor's appointments, to the grocery store, to the library. They read my textbooks to me when medication caused me to lose most my vision.  They were the hands and feet of Christ to me.
After two years nothing had really changed. I'd graduated from Central, but I was still having seizures 2 or 3 times a week.  I'd even had a seizure bad enough to put me in a coma for a short period of time (bad experience, I don't recommend it). Most my doctors had given up on finding an answer for me.  They told me I just had to live with it.  I'd come to a point where I'd given up on answers.  There was still a few more tests they could run, a few more things they could try, but I was done.  I didn't want anymore. I was tired of dead ends and wasted tests. I made it clear that I didn't want any more testing unless something changed. That was my decision and I was sticking to it.
December 12, 2010
I was watching a movie with one of my roommates while the other one prepared roasted turnip for supper.  (I love my roommates, just sayin').  The turnip was done and went to the kitchen to get some. All of a sudden I felt it coming, the pre-seizure feeling I had come to dread.  I braced myself against the counter top as I said "I don't feel so good".  That's the last thing I remember.  My roommates say I had a seizure then, shorter than normal, but still a seizure. When it was over they sat me up and gave me roasted turnip to eat (again, I have the most awesome roommates ever!). I didn't know it then, there was nothing to distinguish that seizure from any of the hundred others that I'd had, but that seizure was to be my last for a very long time, possibly (hopefully) my last seizure ever.
January 31, 2011
It has now been 50 days since my last seizure.  I cannot point to anything I did or anything any of my doctors did.  There were no changes made to my diet or my medications, no changes in my routine or anything else.
There is only one answer.  G-d has had His hand on me for a long time.  It is His hand that has brought me healing.  Nothing else.  Here's the picture of happiness:

 "Now I want you to know brothers, (and sisters) what has happened to me has really served to advance the Gospel."

(NIV) Philippians 1:12

G-d waited until I had nowhere else to turn, until I had nothing else I could point to before He brought healing into my life.  I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to fully turn to Him. To Him be all glory and honor and power!
To all of you who have been supporting me and praying for me throughout this journey, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Know that you have been part of a miracle.

Thoughts on my last night of being an undergraduate

Tomorrow I graduate from Central College. This is quite likely my last post as an undergraduate and quite possibly my last post from Pella, at least for awhile. My room is almost all packed up. I should be working on it still, but I feel that I’ve made a lot of progress and I want to take a break. My parents are in town and staying with friends for tonight and tomorrow night. I’ll be on campus for 2 sleeps yet. We’ll see how much sleep actually happens….


As I think back on my four years here, one word stands out more than any other. That word is community. The community here at Central has meant so much to me. I don’t even know how to describe it to people who haven’t experienced it. The community here is family. I have professors who will give me hugs tomorrow. My boss gave me a hug today as I ran out of work in a panic (I realized that senior dinner started at 5, not 5:30…It was 4:50 and I was in paint clothes and had paint on me…I was dressed and clean and at dinner at 5). The dietician at the cafeteria hugged me after our last meeting this week. I have friends that I can call at any time and know that they will be there for me. I have friends who see me walking on campus and yell at me out their windows just because. I had an RA freshman year who would spend hours with me making snow toffee. Some of our best talks happened in that kitchen, stirring the toffee forever and ever (after I ate the toffee, serious conversation was pointless, but that’s another story). I had a Christian community that I could worship with at 9pm, 9am, 11am, 3am, 7:30am, 10pm…you get the picture. I had a friend who met with me every morning for the first half the semester just to pray and start our day with G-d. Another friend met with me Thursday evenings to talk about what we had been learning from G-d that week. Friends who would join me for Study Day Picnic on the floor of the cafeteria.

In my four years here I don’t think I have ever walked alone. That is something really special. It’s also something I’m scared to leave. I’ve become used to relying on the community here, to always having someone to call, always having someone to hug, always having someone to cry with or laugh with or pray with. I’ve become used to not having to stand on my own, but to be able to lean on those around me. I leave here Sunday. Many people have already left. I realized as I was typing this that I can’t go upstairs and do night-night hugs because there is no one to hug. I’m going to have to stand on my own. But even on my own, I know I’m not going to be alone. The community might not be so visible around me after I’m gone, but I know they will still be there for me. I can shoot off an e-mail, send a facebook message, make a skype call and there will be someone at the other end ready to keep walking with me. Most importantly though, I can fire off a prayer and know that my G-d always hears me and will never ever ever leave me. No matter how lonely I get, no matter how long it’s been since I’ve had a hug, G-d will always be there for me. Sometime, when I’m stressing and feeling down and alone, someone remind me of this, okay? I’m forgetful…

Central, I’m gonna miss you. Thanks for taking such good care of me these last four years.  May the Lord bless you and keep you.  May he make his face shine upon you and give you peace.  May he turn his face towards you and be gracious to you.

The End

It's almost here.  I've turned in my thesis, my last papers, and written my final exams.  Saturday I will graduate.  I will be graduating with a bachelor's degree in psychology (minor in German) and ON TIME!  This is kind of a big deal if you have any idea what I've been up against the last four years.  At times it was questionable if I'd finish at all and many doubted that I'd be able to finish on time. I did have to drop my German major to a minor, but I have completed everything.  Praise the Lord!

Flashback to last weekend:

Thursdsay through Saturday was Tulip Time in Pella.  For all you non-Pella people, Tulip Time is a big deal.  It's a celebration of the Dutch heritage in Pella and there is dancing and parades and lots of food.  And lots and lots of people.  It was kind of cold (read: extremely cold) and rather icky this weekend, but the weather cooperated enough that they didn't have to cancel any of the parades or dancing.

Here's a picture of me and my dance partner before one of our dances:

Her name is Chelsea Bell and she made a fine man (I don't think I'm supposed to say that though...she says she's not good at being a boy.)

Here we are dancing:

This was Saturday and it was ridiculously cold out...most the day I wore my toque and alpaca mitts.  I only wore my bonnet when we were performing.

This year at Tulip Time the added excitement was breaking a world record.  It's Pella and sometimes strange things happen in Pella (and not just because it is a college town).  Pella decided that it wanted to try and break the world record for the most people dancing in wooden shoes.  The previous record had been set in Holland with 400 some dancers. Pella's goal was 1000 dancers.  We got 2604 dancers and danced for 6 minutes and 15 seconds.  Here is a video I found with me in it from second 29-42.  The music in that video isn't the dancing music so here is one with the dancing music if you want to hear what it sounded like out there Saturday morning.

Other Tulip Time highlights:

- Parking cars Friday morning.  I had a lot of energy and stood on the corner with a parking sign singing and dancing (in full Dutch costume) trying to convince cars to park in our lot.  I did this for 1.5 hours...then laughed uncontrollably for about that long for no real reason.

- Playing the question game from 4am-6am with Amber and Ashley while doing security at West Market Park.  Sample questions: If you could shoot anything out of your wrists, like Spiderman, what would you shoot?  If you could sell anything at West Market Park during Tulip Time, what would it be?  What is the most important thing you have learned this year?

- Carpet ball.  good times happened at the carpet ball tables...for awhile I even ended up in charge of a table...not sure how that happend.

- marching bands.  I like watching marching bands, especially the stuff they do with the flags.

- seeing people I hadn't seen for awhile.

After Tulip Time was done, it was Sunday which was also a pretty rock awesome day. If you missed the post about the awesomeness that was Sunday, you can find it here. 

Monday was study day which meant very little studying got done, but Study Day picnic did happen and it was a good turn out, so that was good.  Tuesday was paper writing and finishing my ARP research paper.  I cried when I printed it off I was so happy.  Today I turned in my last papers, wrote my last exam and finished! I'm sure there will be more "finishing college" thoughts in the days to come, but that's all for now.  Just one final question:  What noise does a firefly make?

Baptism

"As surely as water washes away the dirt from the body, so certainly his blood and his Spirit wash away my soul's impurity, in other words, all my sins" (Q&A 69, Heidelberg Catechsim)
Today was a good day.  A very good day. Every spring the chaplain (Joe B) here at Central does baptisms out at Lake Red Rock. I kind of get excited about baptisms and this year I was more excited than usual.  Let me back track a bit...
October 2008:
I have a dream about a beautiful baptism ceremony that was preceeded by the weirdest and coolest funeral I have ever seen.  It was my funeral that I had seen, but it was weird because I was present and participating in the funeral.  It was also weird because it was happening here at school with school people, not the home people.  Immediately after I was buried, I was baptized by immersion and there was a huge celebration.  (If you want to see the original write-up on the dream with more detail, let me know...not going to put it here because it would make this post super long).  My take away from the dream was 2 Corinthians 5:17: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
November 2008:
I start having seizures.  I forget about my dream and start adapting to and trying to figure out life with seizures.
fast forward to February 2010:
We talk about baptism in one of my classes.  I am overwhelmed with the powerful symbolism of baptism by immersion. I feel a tugging inside to be baptized by immersion and express this to a trusted friend.  The only catch is that I have already been baptized and the RCA does not re-baptize people.  We pray about it and sit on the idea.
April 2010:
The idea of baptism has come up a few more times and I've been wrestling with it a lot.  I think the symbolism is powerful and I feel an unexplainable longing for it, but I don't need to be baptized because it was already done when I was an infant.  I can't come to peace with it theologically. Joe B talks about baptism at Sunday night worship and encourages anyone who wants to participate in the Red Rock baptisms to talk to him.  I'm still not at peace with it, so I don't talk to him about it.
April 26, 2010:
Our speaker in Pre-Min talks about doing baptisms for people who have already been baptized in the spirit of remembering what has already been done. He likened it to people renewing wedding vows.  You don't renew wedding vows because they didn't work they first time, but because they did and you want to celebrate that.  I spend considerable time pondering this.
May 5, 2010:
8pm: I have a long talk with a trusted friend and the idea of baptism comes up.  I tell him that I was not going to be baptized because I could not come to peace with it thoelogically. 
9pm: InterVarsity large group worship...our leader (Jordan) invites anyone who feels that they have undergone some sort of transformation this year and is interested in being baptized to talk to him after worship. 
10:30pm:  Worship is over and I have a lot on my mind.  I don't go talk to Jordan, I sit and think.  A friend comes and asks me what is on my mind...I tell her about my wrestling with baptism.  She goes and gets Jordan and I go through it all again.  Jordan sees the theological issues with re-baptism, but is in favor of celebrating the amazing things G-d has done in my life this year.  He encourages me to talk to two other people who have been spiritual leaders in my life this year about it since they have been walking with me closer.
midnight: I'm back in my room, praying about the idea of baptism and remember the dream from October 2008.  I go back in my journal and read the original write up and somewhere inside it clicks that the reason Joe B was baptizing me in the dream was because maybe it was supposed to happen that way.  I share my dream with some friends and they get excited about it.
May 6, 2010:
10:30am:  I talk with the first person Jordan mentioned and she agrees with Jordan.  Theologically, re-baptism is not sound, but celebrating and remembering my first baptism is.  She thinks it's a good idea (or at least not a bad one) but encourages me to talk to Joe B (same as Jordan).
3pm:  It is Tulip Time in Pella and Joe B is real busy.  I catch him for a moment and give him a very very brief summary of the last 24 hours and a briefer summary of rest the year.  His response is that he wants to spend some time praying about it.
May 8, 2010:
8am:  I get an e-mail indicating that Red Rock baptisms are happening on Sunday.  I still have not heard from Joe B.
5pm:  It is still Tulip Time and we are all still really busy.  I catch up with Joe B at the carpet ball tables and we have a very brief conversation. He re-iterates that re-baptism is not theologically sound and I agree. However, he is willing to celebrate what G-d has been doing in my life and remember my first baptism.  He encourages me to ask some friends who have been fighting for/with me and standing with me to come out with me.  People show up for carpet ball and our conversation is over.
May 9, 2010:
7am: I am awake and excited.  It's gonna be a good day.
9am: I'm having trouble focusing in church because I'm so excited.
5pm: I have the feeling kind of like what you get when you are backstage on opening night and you know the house is packed...excited and nervous all at the same time.  The temperature is starting to drop again and it's clouding over.
6:30pm: Kari meets me at my room and we go over to the chapel to carpool out to Red Rock.
7pm: Party time!

We all stand on the beach while Joe talks some about baptism and Megan is baptized.  Hooray for new believers!

Chelsea and Sara help me out into the water where Joe B, Niki and Kari are waiting.  It's a great picture of the community that has meant so much to me in my walk here...I'm never walking alone. We are ready to celebrate the rememberance of my first baptism and the awesome stuff G-d has been doing in my life.

My baptism is celebrated and remembered and Joe B, who has been walking with me for 4 years gets a huge hug.

Lots of hugging and celebrating ensued...those of us who were wet wrapped up in towels and blankets...those who were dry got happy wet hugs.

Back on campus for the last Sunday night worship of the semester (and of my undergrad career) and a dry photo with my amazing friends and warriors.

G-d is good, so very very good!  I am so filled with joy right now...not other words describe it...those of you who know me well know I don't generally make puns on my own name...but that's the only way to describe how I feel.  Joyful.

The next three days are going to be papers and project and finals for me...and packing.  Graduation on Saturday, head for home Sunday...no matter where I go, I will never walk alone.

Double your Joy

(from facebook, click "view original post" to read the whole post and see the pictures)

Just a quick note before I get to the "meat" of this post...I'm typing this with my computer screen enlarged to 150%.  My vision has become increasingly blurred over the last week or so and we aren't quite sure why yet.  So if you are the praying type, prayers would be appreciated.  We are hoping it's just a change in my eye glass prescription.

On to the good stuff...

Sometimes in college life gets really busy.  Especially if you are a senior and have a huge research project and stuff.  Sometimes you have to be in two or three places at the same time.  And you really ought to go to all the places.  Mostly because you are a senior and they are dinners in honor of the seniors.  But you haven't been in college for four years for nothing so you get really creative...

First you find a big piece of paper and a friend:

You lay really still and let your friend trace all around you.  Sometimes it's really awkward if your friend's roommate's parents come and you are laying really still and can't get up and greet them properly.  Ooooppppssss. Then you spread out in the hallway (because your room is too full of books and other important stuff...or just plain too messy) and pick out the clothes your double is going to wear and start painting them:

Add a watch so that your double will always know what time it is and be on time for all the important functions you need to be at:

(The watch says "N:OW"...sorry the pic isn't very clear)

Next, add some important jewelery:

(medic alert, kayak bracelet, trip bracelet)

Realize that you would fail if you tried to draw your own face so find a friend to come do your face and hair:

(Go Ami!  You're doing a great job!)

(Face and hair all done)

Realize that if you are going to a dinner, you really need something on your feet, so add some socks:

Cut yourself out and hand yourself on the wall to finish drying overnight:

(It is a little disconcerting to wake up in the morning and see yourself hanging on the wall)

Finally, deliver yourself to the people who will take your double to the event that you can't go to because you are at a different event:

(Yeah Mary!)

Now, if I could just get my double to do my homework and take my finals for me it would be even more wonderful. For now, I'll just let her attend senior dinners for me.