Friday, March 04, 2011

How Not to Study for Midterms

Back in December I wrote a post about how to study for finals, now you get the "how not to study for midterms post", because really, it takes skill to study as awfully as I have this time around.  I do not recommend this.
1. About a month before midterms, get a sinus infection
2. About 3 weeks before midterms, get influenza and miss many classes.
3. About 2 weeks before midterms, while you still are trying to get over influenza, get mono and miss some more classes.
4. Sleep pretty much anytime you are not actually in class because you have mono.
5. Agree to preach the Sunday after midterm week so that you can stress about that during midterms.
6. The day before midterms, have a severe allergic reaction and go to the hospital.  By doing this you will end up drugged and groggy for the next week, thus impeding both the studying for and the taking of, midterms.
7. At about 5pm (or maybe 5:30pm) the day before take a large dose of Prednisone (60-80mg...I forget how much it actually was), so that at 3am the day of your midterms you are wide awake with a kangaroo in your brain and hungrier than a bear.  The kangaroo will impede both further sleep and effective studying.
8. Pray for understanding professors.
9. Show up to your first midterm a little early and explain to your professor what has happened.  Convince him to let you take the midterm early next week.
10.  Realize that you have about an hour and half of coherency between your 4am dose of Benadryl wearing off and your prednisone kicking in and your next dose of Benadryl.  Find your second hour prof and convince him to let you take your second hour midterm during first hour, since you'll be more coherent then than an other time during the day.
11.  Take your second hour midterm, go to chapel, go home, take your next dose of Benadryl and watch a Disney movie while you snooze on the couch.
12. Hope that you never have another round of midterms this bad.

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