The Color of Despair

I took some "me" time earlier today and started working on a new painting.  One of my favorite parts of painting (other than getting all dirty) is mixing my paints.  I mix most of my own colors, so that I know I have the colors that will look right to my colorblind vision.  Sometimes I have more fun mixing my colors than I actually do making the painting. I like the designs that my toothpicks make on my palette.  I wish sometimes that I could make the designs on paper like I can make in my palette.
Today I had to make the perfect color for Despair. Despair is a dark color, but not black.  Black is Hopelessness.  Despair is not Hopelessness.  Despair is when you feel like the darkness is overcoming the light.  It is a heavy color.  It crushes you.  It is a hungry color. It consumes you.   Despair is like the sky when you want to have a picnic and there are thunderstorms instead and it washes away your favorite picnic location.  Despair is when Hope starts to fade, but there is still a little bit there.  Despair is place where Hope is just out of reach, but you know it's there.  You can see Hope, you just can't reach Hope. Here is how I made Despair:

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