Monday, March 21, 2011

No Easy Answers

Up until Friday I had had a grand total of 2 seizures all semester.  Since Friday I have had 6.  It's Monday.
I have no easy answers.  I don't know why I've had this sudden spike in abnormal brain activity. I've not been running a fever that I know of (jury is still out on whether or not I spiked a temperature this morning).  I've had some fluid (or makes funny noises) on my ear, but no pain, discharge or temperature to indicate infection.   I've been sleeping well and eating decently.   I have no easy answers.
My body is tired.  It has been twisted and jerked and slammed against the floor repeatedly.  Thankfully I have wonderful friends who have been there to take care of my head during the seizures, and throughout all 6 of them, my head has not hit the floor once.
My head is tired.  Living with the unpredictability of life with seizures is exhausting.  Planning exits, knowing where people are, always trying to stay one ahead step of the seizures, making up missed class sessions...
My spirit is tired. It's easy to give into discouragement and despair.  Spring is on the way and the kids are coming out to play, but I'm too exhausted from the seizures to join them.  I want to be out riding my bicycle in the warmer weather but with this much activity, I can't go far.
If you are the praying type, I covet your prayers.  Pray for strength, pray for healing, pray for the friends who stand by me during these, pray for my family who is far away, pray for my neck which has been wrenched in way too many unnatural positions, pray for my ear (I'm not completely convinced it just normal fluid on it...I haven't been in the pool for over a week and I wore my ear plugs when I was in), pray most of all though that somehow G-d is glorified through this.  If He is glorified, then I can bear this pain.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"If He is glorified, then I can bear this pain."

You are a strong person, Joy. I am praying for you.
God is a miraculous healer-- even today. His power isn't obsolete. I've seen so many people healed in this past year alone. People with Celiac disease, hydrocephalis, arthritis, post traumatic stress from being a war veteran, depression... the list goes on. So have hope and have faith. God will be glorified and you will be healed. Whether it's in this life or the next, we will not know, but we can be sure that it will happen.