Who are you?

Tonight I preached from Luke 9. I'm getting more and more comfortable preaching.  Today it was Pillar church. When I preach at Pillar, we set a podium up and the congregation sits on one half the sanctuary.  Usually that is fine.  Today though, they all sat about 6 rows back.  I wasn't okay with that. So I just picked my stuff up and moved up a few rows, and preached between two pews.  I told the congregation what I was doing and why.  Also, during prayer time no one would talk, so I called the children by name and asked them what they were thankful for.  After they shared, I told the adults that the kids could do it, so what was their problem?  The adults shared after that. :)
I have an audio copy of the CD.  If you want a copy, let me know and I'll make you a copy.  I'm not going to make a video to post here because my internet has been so sketchy lately. (currently I'm sitting on my front stoop to type/post this)
Anyhow, without further ado, here is my manuscript from tonight.  I kinda sorted followed it...not really, especially towards the end. I just let the spirit talk. Also, I've included the benediction I used tonight.

Who are you?

Luke 9:18-21

Once, when Jesus was praying in private and his disciples were with him, he asked them, “Who do the crowds say I am?”

They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others say that one of the prophets of long ago has come back to life.”

“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”

Peter answered, “The Christ of G-d.”

Jesus strictly warned them not to tell this to anyone.

Who are you?  Not just your name, but you.  Who are you? Sure, you have a name.  Maybe your name even means something, but most of us are given names because our parents liked the name.   But your name is not necessarily who you are.  It is what you are called.  If I started calling you Bob or Jane, you would not cease to be who you are now.  You’d just be called something different.   After all, a rose by any other name is still a rose. So, who are you?

Somewhere we all have an answer to that question.  In fact, most of us probably have multiple answers to that question, depending on who is asking it.  Right now, I am your preacher.  Later on I will be a pair of listening ears for a friend or a roommate.  In a couple days I will be a student.  In a few months I will be a flower girl.  Throughout it all I remain someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone’s friend, and many more things.  So who are you?

One time I was at a family reunion with part of my mother’s side of the family. I grew up with my dad’s side of the family so I knew all of them, but my mom’s side of the family was a new thing for me.  They’d all been names on pages without faces.  At the reunion I was asked who I was.  The question stumped me.  I knew who I was.  I was Joy, a student at Central College studying German and Psychology.  But that wasn’t what family members were asking me.  My name tag told them my name.   What they were asking was who I was in relationship to them, which branch of the family I fit into.  Finally, I figured out what they were asking and grabbed a family member who knew the family better than I did to make the tie for me.  By the end of the day I knew who I was to these people.  I was so-and-so’s daughter, so-and-so’s granddaughter, so-and-so’s great granddaughter... That day people could have told me that I was anyone in the family I probably would have believed them.  That day it didn’t matter who I said I was, but who people said I was.

Jesus’ disciples are presented with a similar question on that mountain in the region of Caeserea Philippi when Jesus asked them who the crowds thought he was.  Compared to the question that was going to come, that question was easy.  Dutifully the disciples parroted back what they had heard the crowds say.  The word on the street was that Jesus was the John the Baptist or Elijah or a prophet of long ago who had come back to life.   But then Jesus changed the game a little bit.  No longer was he interested in hearing the disciples parrot back what the crowds said.  He turned to them and said “But what about you?  Who do you say I am?”   This was no longer the same question.  No longer could they parrot back what they heard on the street.  Now they had to answer for themselves.  Bold Peter turned to Jesus and confidently answered that Jesus was the Christ of G-d.   The Gospel according to Matthew elaborates on this and records Peter’s answer as being that Jesus was the Messiah, the Son of the Living G-d.

This answer, a mere 10 English words in Matthew and only 4 English words in Mark and Luke, is such a powerful confession of who Jesus was and is, that it was recorded in three of the four Gospels.   The Messiah, the Son of the Living G-d, the Christ – these were the words that were going to make all the difference for both the disciples and for us today.  The Gospel according to Matthew records Jesus responding to Simon Peter by changing his name to Peter and declaring that he would be the rock upon which Christ would build His church.     Simon Peter was no longer simply Simon Peter the ex-fisherman who had become a disciple of this radical Jewish rabbi from Nazareth named Jesus, but he was Peter, the rock upon with the whole Church was going to be built.   Who Peter declared Jesus to be made a difference and who we declare Jesus to be makes a difference too.

If we declare Jesus to be a wise teacher, we are left with a collection of wise teachings and advice on how to live our lives.  If we declare Jesus to be a prophet of G-d, we can attest more authority to his wise teachings and advice.  If he were a prophet we could even accept his new teachings such as the one about turning the other cheek instead of taking an eye for an eye.  But we wouldn’t have much more than that.  But if we declare him to be the Son of the Living G-d, the Messiah, then everything changes for us.

If we echo Peter’s declaration it no longer matters who we say we are.  It no longer matters who other people say we are.  It only matters who Jesus says we are.  As He did with his disciple Simon Peter he will also do with us.  2 Corinthians 5:17 assures us that if anyone is in Christ, he or she is a new creation, the old is gone and the new has come. 

The old going is a beautiful thing. When the old goes, the identities that we have created for ourselves and the names we have taken for ourselves or been given by the world go with them.  I have had the honor of walking alongside several young people who have struggled with eating disorders and self-esteem issues.  They have identities for themselves.  They have named themselves.  They call themselves worthless, fat, useless, ugly, unworthy of love, lonely, afraid, guilty, and the list could go on. That’s the old talking.  When they finally step into the new, their name, their very identity begins to change.  They start to see themselves as worth something, as beautiful, as worthy of love, as strong, and so on.  Every old identity is replaced with a new one.  No one, none of us, can make that replacement on their own.  Many try.  Many try to find their identities in the work, their relationships, their outward appearances, their talents and abilities.  But most often they fail.  When someone recognizes who they are in Christ, that’s when the new identity that will actually stick starts to form.

Living in a fallen world we all struggle with our identities, some more than others.  It would be wonderful if we were all super comfortable in our identities in Christ, but I’ve met very few people who answer the question “Who are you?” with “A child of G-d” or something similar.  More often we answer the questions with our job titles, our names, our vocations, or our roles in our families.  At least, that’s how we answer to the outside world.  To ourselves we are often not as kind may answer quite differently.  It’s when we are talking to ourselves that the more negative names, the ones that hurt the most come up.  

But those are not who and what we are called to be.  We are in Christ and therefore we are new creations.  This is good news.  Better than good news, it is great news.  In Christ we are justified.  We belong to G-d.  We members of Christ’s body, citizens of heaven, we are forgiven.  We have hope and a future and peace.  We are not alone.  We have the promise of eternal life and full life.  We are hidden with Christ in G-d.  We have new identities.

(This is where I inserted something about evangelism and how we have a choice whether or not to share the gift of a new identity with those who don’t know Christ.  Not sure what came over me right then.  It just happened.)

Jesus turned to Peter and asked him who he said he was and he turns to each and every one of us and asks the same question: But what about you?  Who do you say I am?

 Benediction

Before we close this evening I’d like to share the words on a simple praise song with you as our benediction.  It is called “I will change your name”.  Listen to these words as if the Father himself were saying them to you.

I will change your name,

You will not longer be called,

wounded, outcast, lonely or afraid.

I will change your name.

Your new name shall be,

Confidence, Joyfulness, Overcoming One,

Faithfulness, Friend of G-d,

One who seeks my face.

And we have an ID...

Shortly after my return to Michigan last week, I saw my neurologist.  For those of you who have been following this blog awhile, you are well aware of the struggles I have had with seizures and related neurological concerns.  My neurologist was very pleased with my progress and agreed with me that the medication seemed to be working well. (I'm currently 70 days seizure free for anyone who is counting with me).  However, after reviewing my MRIs, he was concerned about a lesion in my brain.  This lesion was not new, and had been there ever since my first brain imaging in 2008. Some of you may have heard me refer to it as "Spot" before.  Even though Spot was behaving himself, my neurologist still wanted it investigate further, partly because I was concerned about Spot, and partly because no one had ever been able to say quite what Spot was. So he referred me to a neurosurgeon.
I saw my neurosurgeon today, quite a nice gentleman.  I had no small amount of anxiety going into the appointment and am very grateful for the friend who prayed for me in the car before I went in.  The Lord has been so faithful in bringing wonderful friends into my life.  As I left the appointment I was both relieved and frustrated.  I was relieved because the neurosurgeon told me straight up that he did not believe Spot to be a tumor (something that had been mentioned earlier by other doctors) and reaffirmed that Spot was behaving in an acceptable manner.  Then he gave me what I had been searching for since the beginning of this journey: an identity for Spot.
The neurosurgeon is quite sure that Spot is something called an Arachnoid cyst. As far as I can determine, this has nothing to do with spiders, though the thought did bring a smile to my face. The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke defines it this way:

"Arachnoid cysts are cerebrospinal fluid-filled sacs that are located between the brain or spinal cord and the arachnoid membrane, one of the three membranes that cover the brain and spinal cord."

Based on my symptoms and the onset of them in adulthood, I likely have what they call a "secondary" arachnoid cyst, meaning it formed later in life, rather than prenatally.  To read more about arachnoid cysts, click here.

In many cases, arachnoid cysts are removed, especially if they are on the surface of the brain.  They can grow and put pressure on the brain causing all sorts of trouble.  However, the neurosurgeon I saw today expressed concern about trying to remove Spot.  Spot is located in my temporal lobe, right on the hippocampus.  Getting to him to remove him would involving messing with a whole lot of brain and could make things much worse than they already are. However, he decided to refer me on to a neurosurgeon who specializes in surgery to correct epilepsy and is an expert in removing things such as this.  Thankfully, this particular doctor is back in Ontario, and will be covered.   Evenso, the neurosurgeon did stress that I might not be a candidate for the surgery, based on the location of the cyst. 

So the feelings of relief came from finally having an identity for Spot and knowing that Spot is not likely a tumor and is not malignant.  That is a huge relief as that has been a concern sitting in the back of my mind for two and a half years now.  The frustration is still not knowing, what, if anything, can be done about it, other than treating the symptoms as needed.  For now, life continues as it has, rejoicing in every seizure free day.

 For those of you unacquainted with Spot, he is the little white spot, about 6mm by 9mm circled in red in the image. 

What's in a name?

As I talked with people at church Sunday morning before the service started, I was approached by someone who had known me for a long time.  We shook hands and he expressed how good it was to see me again (when I'm away at school I don't attend my home church.  I'm only there a couple Sundays total during the school year).  We made small talk for awhile and then he said "I hear you're called Joy now." (He, like most people at my home church, have known me only by the name my parents gave me, Joellen)  I explained to him that I had been called Joy ever since I left for college and that it was really only people at home who still called me Joellen. He smiled, winked at me and told me it fit me.
The exchange reminded me of something I had been thinking on for a few weeks. Names.  What is in a name?
In Old Testament class we had to learn a lot of names and people kept changing their names or having their names changed by G-d  and other people lived into their names providing irony of sorts.  What follows is a non-comprehensive list of some examples.
Names changed
Abram (exalted father) had his name changed to Abraham (father of many) when he made a covenant with G-d (Gen. 17:5).
Jacob's name was changed to Israel after he wrestled with G-d (Gen 32:28).
Naomi (pleasant) changed her name to Mara (bitter) after her husband and sons died (Ruth 1:20... this didn't really catch on though)
Saul's name was changed to Paul sometime after his experience on the Damascus road (Acts 13:13 is the first time I see him being called Paul...I know it's a NT reference, but it fits where I want to go with this post)
Living into names
Malachi's name meant "my messenger" and provides some irony of sorts in Malachi 3:1, which our English translations render "I will send my messenger").
Ruth means "faithful friend" and fits Ruth perfectly, especially when she professes her faithfulness in Ruth 1:16-17.

Names mean something, especially names that are changed.  A name is a reflection of some essence of a person. In sign language, when someone is given a sign name, it often reflects something about them (not always, mine is very simple, given to me by an interpreter in the special education room after she had known me for about 30 seconds).  I have a friend named Bruce.  His sign name reflects the fact that he is wheelchair bound.  One of my sisters is really into horses.  Her sign name is a combination of her initial letter and the sign for horse.  I have a friend who has the gift of healing.  His name is a combination of his initial letter and the sign "to heal".   All their names reflect some essence of them, just like Abraham means "father of  many" and Malachi means "my messenger".
With both Abraham and Malachi, the name itself came before the meaning came into fulfillment.  Abraham was Abraham long before he was the father of any, let alone many.  I think the same is true of my name.  There was no angelic messenger or voice from heaven that changed my name.  It was a process. Initially, it was changed to "Joy" (or something very similar) in Africa because the children couldn't say "Joellen".  When I cam back from Africa it morphed into "Joyellen" and then it went back and forth between the three for some time, until I left for college.  That is when I became "Joy" for good, at least most the time.
Coincidently (or maybe not so coincidently) my journey to being able to live in true joy followed a similar path.  It wasn't something that happened all at once, but slowly, over time, step by step I learned to live in true joy.  And now, I can (at least most the time) agree when people say my name fits me.  I might not always be happy.  Sometimes I'm sad, frustrated, hurting, angry and a million other things, but nothing will ever take my joy away.  Besides, with a name like Joy...well, let's just say that if there is a pun to be made on my name or a song to be sung about joy, I've probably heard it and smile every time I hear it again.  And while we're on the subject of names, my journey to Joy/joy happened, in part, in Pella, which means "city of refuge".  Fitting, yes?

And some song lyrics to close this post out (sorry...it got really long.  I have lots of thoughts on names).  This song was sung in church about a month ago.  I scribbled the lyrics down into my journal while it was being sung, so have some grace if the words aren't quite right.
"I will change your name.
You shall no longer be called
wounded, outcast, lonely or afraid.
I will change your name.
Your new name shall be
confidence, joyfulness, overcoming one,
faithfulness, friend of G-d, one who seeks my face"
In the Old Testament reference above, it wasn't usually the people who changed their names.  G-d changed their names and their lives.  G-d did the same with me.  He gave me a new name and a new joy. All glory, honor, and praise be to Him!