Oliebollen (gluten free, egg free, dairy free)

Oliebollen are a Dutch New Year's Eve tradition, but for years I've done without because a gluten free, egg free, dairy free version simply didn't exist. I minded but didn't think I could do anything about it.  Finding ways to make traditional recipes Joy-friendly was a challenge, especially when the traditional recipes were written in a language other than my own.  But this year, as my brother and cousins and husband went to Grandpa's house for oliebollen, and Littlest Brother and I stayed home (He can't have wheat either), I decided I would give the recipe search one more try.
I've discovered that by searching for vegan recipes I can find recipes that are egg and dairy free, even though I am by no means a vegan! (bacon wrapped dates are on the menu for later tonight) So I searched for a vegan Oliebollen recipe, and found one.  A few tweaks, and it was also gluten free.  An hour later, I was enjoying fresh Oliebollen, complete with corn-free icing sugar.

and the recipe...
Ingredients:
1.5 cup all-purpose gluten free flour
3/4 tsp xanthan gum (omit if your flour blend already contains it)
1/2 tsp salt
2 TBSP sugar
4 tsp active dry yeast
1 tsp cinnamon
1 cup raisins
1.5 cup warm (120-130*F) water (Hint: warmer than a baby's bottle, but not as hot as a hot shower)
1/2 tsp lemon juice
oil for frying
powdered sugar

How it works:
1. Mix all the dry ingredients together.
2. Add the warm water and lemon juice and mix until well blended
3. Cover with a tea-towel and set in a warm place to rise for 45 minutes.
4. Heat the oil for frying.  You want it really hot.  We used our little deep fryer, though you could also use a pan with an ample amount of oil in it.
5. Spoon the batter in small amounts into the hot oil.  When one side is cooked (browned), turn the Oliebollen over to cook the other side.
6. Set on paper towels to drain.
7. Enjoy with powdered sugar

Reasons to Rejoice

The last couple of days have brought reasons to rejoice and they have almost been forgotten in the busyness of everyday life on the farm.  So now, before I let sleep overtake me, I'll share.

Sunday, for the first time ever, I took full communion in my home church. Previously I had only taken the juice and let the bread pass me by due to my severe allergies.  Sunday we did communion differently, and after working with the pastors, we got something worked out so that I, and others with wheat/gluten/allergy issues, could participate. It was wonderful.  What made me feel even better about it was that there were guests in our congregation who required gluten free communion and we were able to offer it to them. That made me happy.

Also, depending on how you count months, Sunday was the "short" (180 days) 6 month mark of seizure free-ness. Today is the "long" (the 28th of May) 6 month mark of seizure free-ness.  Either way, it's been 6 wonderful months without seizures.  Praise the Lord.

That's a solid 6 months, no matter how you count it.

I get married in 80 days. That's another reason to rejoice.  Now if I could just get everything planned in time...80 days.  That doesn't seem like very long anymore.  It feels like even shorter when I put it into weeks (11ish weeks) or months (2.5ish). But it will be wonderful.

Now, sleeping time, which is another reason to rejoice in and of itself!

4.5 out of 5

It's not very often that I give a restaurant 4.5 out of 5 stars, but it happened Friday.  My mom arrived just as I was finishing class on Friday and we headed to Grand Rapids to meet my cousin for lunch.  The drive was horrible.  We hadn't had much "weather" all winter and then sure enough as mom is driving into Holland we get an icky icky storm.  Go figure. My cousin had recommended that we stop by a little place called "Marie Catrib's", so I'd googled the the address and that's where we headed.  It was a little crowded in the store, so we had to wait a moment and then we were seated at a cozy table (we could have waited longer and sat less cozily, but we're all family and have been even cozier before).  The waiter brought the menu and I began to look over it.  I saw some information about gluten free bread and the next time the waiter came back we inquired further into it. The initial screening on all four types of gluten free bread came back positive. I had choices. I probably should have inquired further, but I didn't want to jeopardize anything, so I took a bit of a leap of faith.  I actually cried as I looked over the menu and realized I had choices.  Lots of choices.  I ordered a roast beef sandwich without the cheese and without some sort of sauce that had way too many vowels in it because the sauce was not Joy-friendly.  The sandwich came and I just looked at it. Here was an honest to goodness sandwich, made in a restaurant, that was safe for me to eat.  I didn't look at it long before I dug in.  It was delicious. Phenomenal.  I even got to get up and look at the dessert  case, but passed on desserts because they didn't have an ingredient list handy and Marie was at the doctor and couldn't be reached.
The service was excellent, the food was delicious.  The only thing that would have moved this restaurant from a 4.5 to a 5 would have been to have ingredient lists handy so I could have thoroughly checked things. I really wasn't supposed to have that many carbs at that point in time (I'm still paying for that!), but if I get a chance to go there again, carb restrictions or not, I'm going!

Please Listen

To those of you who work in food service, whether high end or fast fast food, to those of you who cook for other people, to those of you who share food with anyone, whether it is for a price or free.  Please read this.
If someone asks you what is in something.  Please tell them.  Tell them everything.  If you don't know, tell them that. If they are taking the time to ask, the probably have a good reason.  They aren't just trying to be annoying or steal your secret family recipe.  So tell them.  Don't leave things out because there is a just a "little bit" of it in there or because you don't usually put that in there.  Be open and be honest.
If someone asks you to leave a specific ingredient out, for example cheese or croutons on a salad, please listen. They are trusting you.  Don't assume they want it left off just because they are picky.  Sometimes that might be the case, but not always. If they say no croutons and you forget and put them on, don't just pick them off.  Make a new salad.  Same if they say no cheese.   Sometimes it's a matter of life and death.
Think I'm exaggerating?  Mom and I stopped at a place where traditionally we've been able to get "Joy-friendly" food to eat.  I was tired and hungry after an afternoon of wedding dress shopping and also crashing from too many carbs at lunch, so I needed carbs to prevent the grumps from taking over the rest of the evening.  We went through the drive through.  Mom ordered and three times stated that we wanted no cheese on the salad.  No cheese. The person taking our order repeated it back to her.  No cheese.  We got our meal and I opened my salad and began to eat.  I spit most of my first bite back out.  There was cheese on the salad. It was dark so I hadn't seen it.  Mom took the salad back in and complained. I took my first two doses of benadryl and a dose of ventolin. They remade the salad and we continued home (maybe 5-10 minutes).  Shortly there after I took my third and last permissible dose of benadryl.  Followed very quickly by an EpiPen.  The next three hours were spent at the hospital while they tried to stabilize me and observed me.  One bite is all it takes.
So if you are giving food to anyone, for any reason, at any time.  Please, listen to them.  It could change their life.

My Bread, Their Bread

Every Friday I celebrate communion with 4-year old M.  M is well aware of the importance of communion and can even say most of the words of institution.  Every Friday during chapel at seminary she sits on my lap.  During the singing and the meditation she wiggles a little bit and plays with my medic alert necklace and the ring I wear around my neck, but when the Great Prayer of Thanksgiving starts, she is all eyes and ears.  She starts to quiver with excitement as she mouths the words of institution along with the pastor who is presiding that week.  As we wait our turn to go forward to receive the elements, I review with her why we take communion and what the bread and the juice represent.  She knows the answers. And then comes the most awkward question of all: my bread, or the other bread?
Here at WTS we have two offerings for communion bread - there are two beautiful loaves of challah bread and then a little plate of gluten free communion wafers.  When the pastor is doing the words of institution, it is the challah that he or she picks up and breaks.  It is the challah that is held up for everyone to see.   In fact, the little plate of gluten free wafers is not picked up or touched at all.  In all honesty, I'm glad that the gluten free wafers aren't handled, especially after the egg-coated challah is handled.  That would quickly become an allergy nightmare and instead of celebrating with M I 'd be being rushed to the hospital (egg causes swelling in me upon contact.  We haven't challenged it with ingestion, but it would not be good).  But the two bread communion leads to a little bit of theological unrest and no small amount of confusion for the littlest of our brothers and sisters.
Today, when I asked M if she wanted my bread or the other bread, she very seriously told me that "the other bread' (my bread) wasn't really bread, just crackers.  She put into words, the words I hated to think.  That somehow, my bread, the GF wafers were separate.  I know cognitively they are not.   They are just as much the body of Christ as the challah is.  However, there is a degree of separateness when we have two communion breads.
I wish we could all be united in communion.  So far, it's happened once.  I cried that day, the day when we all took gluten free communion together.  I wish it could happen more.  Because that would be wonderful and then I wouldn't have to ask M which bread she wanted.

Gluten Free communion bread

Today was Worldwide Communion Sunday.  For those of you who didn't grow up in the church or just have no idea what that means or why it's important, it's basically a Sunday where many churches around the world have decided to celebrate communion or the Eucharist.  It's really neat to realize that on this particular Sunday churches all over the world are doing the same thin, albeit often in very different ways.
The church I worshiped with this morning served communion with naan-bread and grape juice.  Other churches served wafers and wine.  Others served white wonder bread. Some bread had leaven, other bread was unleavened. Tonight a friend served me homemade gluten free bread with cranberry juice. Regardless of what was served and the exact theology each congregation holds to, it was all a celebration of the same thing, the marvelous sacrifice of Christ on the cross.
As I sat there, not taking communion in full (we were served by intinction (dipping the bread in the cup) this morning , but I got a cup from the elder that was serving those who couldn't get to the front), I thought about bread.  If you've read what I've written about communion before, you know that the bread is a big stumbling block for me. The gluten found in most bread can make me super sick. And that's not fun.  So, as I sat there I thought about gluten free options for communion (for the bread only...if you want to read more about doing gluten free communion properly/safely, read one of these posts: Post 1, Post 2 or talk to me (I've done some work on this topic) or someone in your congregation who has experience with gluten free eating.).

One option that is relatively easy and safe is to take gluten free communion wafers.  These are certified gluten free and keep really well.  Of course, if your church has been using bread since the foundations of time, it might be a bit of a huge switch and something you have to work through as a congregation.  The most common (perhaps only) gluten free communion wafer is from Ener-G foods.  It is free from just about everything including leaven, nuts, egg, dairy, shellfish, corn and more.

Another option is store bought gluten free bread.  If that's what you want to do, and if that's what is going to work best for your congregation, you want to pick one that doesn't have a huge list of ingredients.  The more ingredients the bread has, the more likely someone is to be allergic to something in it.  You also want to make sure you get one that isn't crumbly, which is hard.    If your congregation is nut free, Kinnikinnick foods are all nut free, but many of them have eggs and dairy in them, so if you are going with a store bought bread, check with your congregation.  I think they all have corn so I can't have any of them and I don't know how the crumble factor works.  Other companies such as Udi's or Glutino also make gluten free bread, which I think is nut free, but does contain eggs and dairy.  Again, check with your congregation to see if this works.  In Ontario check out El Peto.  They have lots of different breads and some are free of most allergens, such as their potato bread (one of my favorites when I'm on the farm).


Yet another option is to have someone in your congregation bake gluten free bread.  All the cautions that apply to using store bought bread apply to this option too, along with making sure the person is who doing the baking understands allergy friendly baking and the risk of cross contamination. 


The most important thing is to talk to your congregation.  Don't assume you know that they need. Because you don't.  Talk to you congregation and really listen to them. 

Gummy Worms!

Today, instead of doing my homework, I decided try out a recipe that my cousin had sent me.  It was for gummy worms.  I have not been able to have gummy worms for a long time because gummy worms tend to be made with lots and lots of corn syrup and my body really doesn't do well with corn syrup.  Which is problematic because I really like gummy candies.  (I like jelly beans too, but aside from one accidentally "jelly bean cake" I have not mastered the hard on the outside-chewy on the inside jelly bean).
I was a bit skeptical as I started.  All my previous attempts at candy (aside from chocolate) had been miserable failures, but this looked pretty failure proof.  I didn't even need a candy thermometer! And there were absolutely no substitutions that I had to make.  For a recipe, that is always a good start.

some of my gummy worms (there were and still are lots more!)

Gummy flutterby

Ladybug!

Flutterby on a string!

Gummy Frog!

Flowers!

And then, just for fun I made scones.  I'd never had a scone before.  But they are yummy.  Olga and I sampled one fresh from the oven.  These are completely allergy friendly (top 8 free) and have chocolate chips in them.  As long as I don't eat them all before Monday, my peer group is in for a treat!  (if they keep well...the recipe said serve warm, so I'm hoping they hold until Monday)

More than a Meal

Recently I took a trip to my former college to see some friends and spend my break. One night as I sat in the dining hall I began to reflect on my food-related experiences in college. It would have been easy for me to make a case to be exempt from meal plan. I mean, for me, eating is a very dangerous activity. The college also could have easily requested that I not be on meal plan.  Trying to safely feed me is a challenge that few people undertake (The short list of my allergies includes gluten, corn, dairy, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, tomatoes, banana, pineapple, kiwi, and shellfish. At least 6 of those present with skin blistering on contact, anaphylaxis upon ingestion).  Central College however decided to take on the challenge of trying to feed me and I decided to let them.  In all honesty, I really didn't want to try and cook three meals a day for myself on top of being a student.  Central went above and beyond to make sure that I had food at every meal.  In all four years that I was at Central, the only times I got sick from food were times that I had made less than wise choices (eating food without checking the ingredients, eating food from the fryers).  Which is super impressive.  I mean, really super impressive.  Very few people/kitchens can pull that off.
As I sat and reflected upon my experiences with food, I came to realize that the staff (dietary manager, cooks, servers, etc) did far more than just provide me with food options that wouldn't kill me.  Food is a central part of social life on a college campus and the dining hall is the center of food.  On a campus with only 3 options for meal plan (the main dining hall, a fast food type place called GSC, and the Cafe), it was pretty safe to assume that most students would eat at least one meal a day in the main dining hall.  The main dining hall was also a hub of activity, especially when things got busy (so, basically, all the time).  If you wanted to catch up with a friend, it was easy to say "Let's have a lunch date".  Need a meeting time for a small group Bible study or GIG?  Everyone has to eat, why not hold it at the dining hall?  Want to practice language skills? Sit at the German or Spanish table.  Thinking about studying abroad?  Go to a Lunch and Learn.
By allowing me to be on meal plan, and making meal plan easy for me, all of these social opportunities were opened to me.  I ate almost every day with a group called "the Table".  We (almost) always sat in the same spot in the dining hall, and there was always more room at the table.  It was a time where important news was shared, where schedules were coordinated, where we could check in with each other and make sure we were doing alright.  If I hadn't been on meal plan, I would have missed out on all of that.
I would have missed out on Study Day picnic, an event which grew out of my propensity for sitting on the floor randomly to eat (people would ask me where I wanted to sit, I'd say "right here" and sit down wherever I was.  Eventually it became an organized event with a picnic blanket and everything).
Some people see meals as nothing more than a chance to eat, but they are so much more than that.  So much of our culture revolves around food.  When the dining staff decided to make an effort to provide me with safe food options, they were concerned about feeding my body.  What they ended up doing was feeding my life.
Sometimes life is like that.  People intend to meet one need and end up meeting another, often far greater need.  Or they fail to meet a need and end up failing to meet another, far greater need.
You may never know what what deeper need you'll meet by making the effort to meet a need on the surface, what wounds you'll heal by reaching out to someone.  Likewise, you may never know how much you'll deepen wounds by failing to meet surface needs.
Remember, what you do on the surface often runs much much deeper.

In the Interim

I have thoughts.  I want to write them.  Thoughts about love and alarms and the coming of Christ and Disney Princesses and alpaca babies and sunshine and butterflies and coloring book, but there has been a temporary setback in my ability to write these thoughts out. So in the interim, I leave you with this.  It's part of a note posted by a dear friend of mine (used by permission).  Due to a potentially chronic disease her life has been altered by diet changes and medications.  While her experience is different than mine, many of the things we feel, especially when it comes to social situations, are similar.  She did such a wonderful job capturing her thoughts and feelings, and unintentionally capturing mine, I decided to share.  I resonate most with what she writes about being socially isolated and people trying to make decisions for her.  The awkwardness of having to turn down a dinner invitation or explain special food needs or bring your own food to a function or back out of plans at the last minute because you are too exhausted or slip out to take your meds discretely is almost always less painful than not being invited in the first place. I have limits too, but I am a grown-up and can make my own decisions about when I need to slow down.  And, like my friend, I have a giant granny pill pox too.  (It's almost identical to hers). 
Without further rambling from me, here is the final portion of her note.  The only change I have made it to abbreviate the name of her condition to help protect privacy (and because it's really not that important):

It’s been hard dealing with the drugs and a special diet and everything else, but when I look back to where I was and how far I have come, I am glad I’ve been able to do these things and had people to help me along the way.  Yes, I carry a giant granny pill box with me everywhere and sometimes feel like my life is dictated by my med alarms.   No, I can't usually eat what other people are eating.  But if these things will help me to get my life back, they really are small sacrifices.

But it still has been hard to face my limitations.  It’s been hard to be different.  It’s been hard to not do everything I once did and everything I still think I should be able to do.  It’s been hard to accept help from other people.  It’s been a journey, and I know the journey is not over yet.  But it hasn’t been a journey I’ve had to travel on my own.  Yes, I have often tried to push people out of my life.  I guess it’s like I get to a point where I’m tired of depending on other people and being a burden, so I decide I’m going to live life on my own.  So I try and push everyone away.  But this never works.  God didn’t create us to live life on our own.  He created us for community.  I understand this in my rational moments, but unfortunately, all-too-often I have been less-than-rational.  This journey with LD often feels like one giant roller coaster.  (Honestly, it feels like I’m PMSing 24-7.)  Some days I can handle the ups-and-downs and take it as a part of life.  Other times I just get angry….angry at life, angry at the disease, angry that I can’t do what I want to do, angry at God, and even angry at you, if you happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I’ve never really been an angry person, and I have a hard time knowing how to deal with this anger.  In retrospect I can usually see what a jerk I was, but at the time, I’m just angry, and say and do things I shouldn’t and hurt people who I love.  (This is not a justification or an excuse because I am still responsible for my own behavior, but when I saw, “moody, irritable, and cry easily” on a list of LD symptoms, at least it made a little more sense where it could be coming from.)

I often feel isolated and lonely in this world of disease.  It’s a world I don’t understand and I’m living in it so I really can’t expect others to be able to understand it.  But I feel like people are always wanting to protect me.  It’s like because I’m sick, I’m now “fragile.”  They’re trying to keep my health and well-being in mind.  They’re trying to help with my healing.  So they end up doing things for me in an attempt to save me energy and bless me.  In some ways I am grateful, as the tasks they do are often things I probably couldn’t do on my own.  But in the process, so often I feel like I’m useless, like I’ve been put up on a shelf with the ceramic figurines, left to gather dust, but beyond that, I’m really not good for anything and will soon be forgotten.  Other times they don’t ask me to help out or be involved in things because they don’t want to overwhelm me.  They’re trying to protect me, and give me a chance to heal.  Like that ceramic figurine placed carefully on the top shelf out of reach, they think it’s a whole lot better to leave me alone than to actually touch me and risk breaking me.  But even if I have limits, I can still make my own choices.  I can be given opportunities and allowed to choose if I take them or not.

In this world of disease, I also often end up feeling very socially isolated.  Not only am I no longer a useful member of society, so often I feel like I am not invited somewhere because they know I can’t eat the food, or I will probably be sleeping, etc.  They don’t want me to feel left out or put me in an awkward situation (such as sitting at a restaurant and trying to explain to the waitress that really, they can’t make food that I can eat so I’m just going to sit here), so I’m just not invited.  But in reality, this just leaves me feeling more lonely and forgotten.  Or I’m with a group of people, and they totally talk “around” me, not even acknowledging my presence.  In these situations I’m left wondering if I’m not wanted, or they’re assuming I don’t want to be included, or they don’t know how to include me so it’s easier to ignore me, or what.  It’s hard.  Our society is very focused around food, and you become VERY aware of this when food is taken from you.  And let me tell you, it’s already a whole lot of fun to be eating a spinach salad while everyone else is enjoying yummy goodies, and it just makes it better when people tell you over and over again, “Yuck!  That looks gross!  I’m sure glad I’m not eating that!”  For the most part, I’ve come to terms with my special diet, but people telling me my food is gross really doesn’t help this situation.  You may not enjoy it, but guess what?  You don't have to eat it, so please keep your comments to yourself.

And speaking of food, yes, I am losing weight, and yes, I am aware that I don’t have weight to lose and that my bones are protruding in places they shouldn’t be.   Yes, I know most my clothes don’t fit me anymore and I look like a bag of bones.  Trust me.  I know these things—without you telling me.  You don’t need to point them out to me, really.  I know them, and everyone else has already taken it upon themselves to remind me of it as well.  I don’t need you joining in, too.  I have become very self-conscious of my body, and you telling me I need to gain some weight doesn’t help.  You try cutting all sugar and gluten out of your diet and not losing weight while you’re healthy, and now add the absorption issues that come with LD to that, and yes, you, too, would be losing weight.  Without your help, I am reminded of this every time I walk by a mirror. Without your help, I am reminded of this every time I put on a pair of jeans and have to tighten my belt to hold them up.  Without your help, I am reminded of this every time I put on a shirt and feel like I’m swimming inside of it.  Without your help, I am reminded of this every time I put on a dress that I’m supposed to wear for one of the weddings I’m in this summer and wonder how I will be able to hide my ugly, gangly body so that I don’t mess of the perfect pictures of the weddings I’m in.  Giving me recipes for high calorie, good-tasting foods that I can actually eat would be a whole lot more effective method of dealing with my weight loss than telling me my clothes don’t fit and I’m going to blow away if I don’t put more meat on my bones.

Most days I’ve come to terms with where I’m at.  I realize I am quite blessed to have family, friends, and doctors who have helped me figure this thing out and get on top of it before it became a bigger monster.  And although I can’t say this journey has been the most fun thing in life, I have also learned a lot through it.  I know God has me here for a reason, and He isn’t abandoning me here.  But there are still plenty of days that are just stinking hard.  And something seemingly small can very easily set me off.  Just last night some friends were going out stargazing.  I LOVE stargazing, but I knew I needed to go to bed.  Instead of being able to handle the situation like a mature adult, knowing there would be plenty more opportunities to go stargazing in the future, I became angry at this stupid disease for interfering with what I wanted to do, and angry at God for leaving me here for so long.  And now today, it’s tough to think about the fact that I am starting year two.  I had gotten to a point where I had accepted the fact that I just need to take one day at a time.  Well-meaning people will often ask me how many drugs I have left or how long it will be til the end.  These are questions I can’t answer, and I have more or less come to terms with not having answers to.  But every time I throw a drug bottle in my empties box and see the pile grow a little more, I think about the pile it came out of….a pile of unknown size.  On good days, I think, “That’s one more bottle closer to being better!” but on bad days, my mind creates a picture of a mountain of full drug bottles so big that the growing pile of empties doesn’t even look like an ant hill in comparison.  This is not a journey that has a known ending date or even destination, so I try and focus on the here and now, seeing how God is working in the midst of it.  But even as much as I try to take it one day at a time and not focus on the time, it’s hard to think that I’m starting another year.  This last year has been tough.  I don’t expect this next one to be easy.  And dare I say it?  I don’t know how many more there will be in this journey....  But God promises to go with me all the way, and I guess if He's going with me, the journey will be worth it!

PS: (From me, not my friend)  I am currently not losing weight.  I'm actually gaining some at this point because my limitations have made it much harder to be as physically active as I should be. But rest of it, spot on.

Happy News-es

This post is all full of happy news-es.  No sad news-es allowed.  Okay? go!

30 days without seizures is great.  This is a good sign that the meds are working.

• Classis exams are done.  I passed all of the exams I took today.

It's coming!!!!

• It's almost baby season!
• I got to have conversations about Celiac Disease and disability awareness/accessibility in churches today.
• My sister made rhubarb crisp from fresh rhubarb and gave me a piece for bedtime snack while it was still warm.
• Sunday is tomorrow!
• It's bedtime!

The First Time Can Only Happen Once...

It seems kind of self explanatory, you can only do something for the first time once, but it's easy to forget.  Sometimes, when we look at our churches, we try and look a them with the eyes of a first time visitor, but really, we can't do that.  Sometimes, we need a real first time visitor to come look with fresh eyes, but that isn't always practical.  So, what we can do, is try and look with fresh eyes.  Maybe visit a church that is new to you.  Pay attention to what you notice/don't notice and then come back to your church and look for those things.
One Sunday in February I visited a new to me church (I wrote about it some in the post entitled "come, for all things are now ready"). What I have to say next might sound highly critical of the church.  In some ways it is, and I feel badly about that, but at the same time, I want to be honest about how I experienced this, in the hopes that it will encourage everyone who reads this to look more critically at their own churches.
 My visit to the church started before I actually got there.  Because of the role I was going to be playing in the service, it was going to be important that I could hear what was happening. Otherwise, the group I was working with was going to have to make some changes.  We wanted to know so we could plan ahead.  I started by visiting the church website, looking to see if they had a sound loop or FM systems available. Their website was less than helpful.  There was no statement of accessibility of any kind on their website.  They even had a link to their bulletin for the Sunday I was going to be there.  I read through it, hoping for some statement of accessibility. Nothing.  To raise my anxiety, the picture of the church on the website looked as if it was a great big, old, beautiful church building.  I love old beautiful church buildings, but typically, they are inaccessible.  We decided to wait until we got there and see how bad things were.
We arrived at the church in good time, about half an hour before the service, mainly because we had to practice. I looked at the doors as we entered, hoping to see the familiar blue sign indicating the presence of the a hearing loop. There was none.  I look at the door to the sanctuary, hoping that there would be a loop (that would make things a lot easier for me).  There was no familiar blue sign.  Since I was there way early, and since, because of the role I was playing in the service I need to talk with the sound technician anyways, I asked him if the sanctuary was looped.  It was, which was a great thing for being able to hear the sermon.  However, the loop did not include the stage, which meant it was not very helpful for me being able to hear while I was on the stage (perhaps the most critical place for me to actually be able to hear what was going on that morning).  I was frustrated, both by the lack of signage indicating the presence of a loop, and by the fact that it didn't encompass the stage.  The first frustration was the greatest though.  I was there in plenty of time and need to speak with the sound technician anyways, so I could ask about it and get my answers.  A "regular" visitor would have had no way of knowing that the sanctuary was looped.  
I was already in a state of judging accessibility in the church, so I kept my eyes open to see their strengths and weaknesses.  Unfortunately, I didn't see many strengths. Their sanctuary was beautiful, with smooth wooden pews (very fun for sliding on), but there were no "short pews" to allow for wheelchairs to be present in the sanctuary in a non-conspicuous way. There was a wheelchair lift to allow wheelchairs to come up to the level of the sanctuary, but it was one that needed a key to operate it.  A visitor would not immediately know who to ask for the key.  I can't judge how conscientious the church was about having a person with the key (or a person who knew where the key was) at the bottom of the elevator (on the main level...the sanctuary was up a flight of stairs) to assist visitors because no one in our group was in a wheelchair.
I also didn't get a chance to check out the restrooms, but based on what I was seeing in the rest of the church, my hopes weren't too high.
The big thing that struck me about this visit, and what I took away from it is that accommodations are only useful if people know they are there.  If your church has accommodations available, make sure you publicize them.  If you offer gluten free communion, list the ingredients of the gluten free bread/wafer you use in your bulletin and on your website (people with gluten allergies may often have other food allergies as well) and make sure it is correct.  Check it frequently (every time you buy new bread or wafers!)  If you have a sound loop, make sure signage is in place at your church and on your website.  If you have FM systems available, make sure people know.  Same with large print hymnals or orders of worship.  It's great to have accommodations, but they are going to be under-used if people don't know they are there.

Round-Up

So even though we had winter break on Monday and Tuesday of this week, things have been busy.  I blame it on the sermon I have been writing for Sunday and the fact that I am (still) dealing with mono, now complicated by prednisone.  So, this day, instead of lots of original thoughts and musings from me, I thought I would share some of the treasures I have found around my world lately (in no particular order), along with some commentary of my own.  Enjoy!

First treasure of this post: 

In honor of Lent, one of my friends posted this.It is her reflections on Lent and her experiences with Lent and fasting. Even though it is her thoughts and reflections, in many ways it mirrors many of my thoughts and feelings.  Read it and let me (or her) know what you think.  Also, she is getting married real soon.  If you feel like blessing her and her husband with prayers, please do.

Second Treasure:

A dear friend of mine sent me this video earlier this week.  I've watched it/listened to it multiple times a day since then.  Unfortunately it is not captioned.  It is a poem about waiting for the man that G-d has picked out for you.  I highly commend it to my single female friends, though I've had a single male friend listen to it and he says it is useful from his perspective too.  Even if you aren't single, listen to it.  What she does is beautiful.  Her plays on words and concepts is incredible.  Listen to it more than once even. 

Third Treasure:

At some point in the last week or so, my wonderful roommate LDK sent me this post about making gluten free communion in church work.  I've written before about gluten free communion in church, but I feel this post sums it up neatly.  Additionally, it is written by a pastor with Celiac Disease.  She discusses things that I had never thought of, such how to navigate not being able take communion yourself but still needing to serve it to your congregation.

Fourth Treasure:

Over the weekend, while working on my sermon listening project, I decided to try out a new recipe from one of my favorite allergy-friendly cookbook authors, Cybele Pascal.  She had posted a recipe for Allergy-Free Thin Mints (Chocolate Mint cookies, Girl Guide style for you Canadians) and I was eager to try it out.  So I did.  They were delicious.  After I was done making them, I remembered a campfire treat that my Scout troop used to make.  It was a modification on S'mores, but instead of using graham crackers and chocolate with the marshmallows, it  used Thin Mint Cookies with the marshmallows.  I'd never gotten to try it (Thin Mint cookies are not traditionally allergy friendly).  So, after rearranging a coat hanger, we made use of our gas stove and roasted some marshmallows.  Then we made S'mores using my homemade allergy friendly thin mints.

Olga enjoying a S'more (Photo by Olga)

Fifth Treasure:

I've been working on writing my first full length sermon.  I will be preaching in church for the first time this Sunday.  I'm doing the evening sermon (6pm Michigan time, Sunday the 13th).  Prayers would be much appreciated.

Brownie Recipe

So what I really should do is just instruct you all to buy Cybele's book, because it is full of wonderful multi-allergy friendly recipes (every recipe in the book is free from gluten, wheat, dairy, eggs, soy, peanuts, tree nuts and sesame), but because I'm feeling nice today and because if I entice you with one recipe you might be convinced to buy the book, and because part of living as good stewards is sharing resources such as recipes and because brownies are such elusive creatures, but oh so good, I'll share this one.
Fudge Brownies (from Cybele Pascal's "The Allergen-Free Baker's Handbook", page 86, with *my comments*)
Ingredients
- 6 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped into centimeter-size pieces (a serrated knife works best for this) *I use Baker's Chocolate that is already in 1 ounce squares and don't chop it because it gets melted right away anyways*
- 1/2 cup dairy-free, soy-free vegetable shortening *I'm fine with soy, so I use a soy based one*
- 2 cups granulated sugar
- 2 (4-5-ounce) jars prune puree or apple plum puree (baby food) *I used 10 ounces of Gerber prune puree since it comes in 2.5 ounce containers in packages of 2 (5 ounces total per package)*
- 1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
- 1 3/4 cups plus 2 tablespoons Basic Gluten-Free Flour Mix (page 19) *posted below*
- 1/2 teaspoon xanthan gum
- 1 tablespoon double-acting baking powder *I recently learned that there does exist a corn-free baking powder and that made me very excited*
- 1 1/2 cups dairy-free, soy-free chocolate chips *Enjoy Life's chocolate chips are wonderful.  I use one 10oz bag for this recipe*


How it works
1. Preheat the oven to 325*F.  Grease a 9 by 9-inch baking pan, then sprinkle with a little gluten-free flour mix, tapping out any extra. *It MUST be a 9x9 pan.  Do not use an 8x8.  Bad stuff happens*

2. Combine the unsweetened chocolate and shortening in a microwave-safe bowl and melt in the microwave, stopping to check and stir every 30 seconds *this of course depends on your microwave.  30 seconds in my microwave does nothing to the chocolate.  I start with a minute* (Alternatively, you can melt the chocolate and shortening in a double boiler).  Once melted, stir in the sugar and prune puree.  Mix well, add the vanilla, and beat until smooth.

3. Whisk together the flour mix, xantham gum, and baking powder.  Add to the chocolate mixture in three batches, stirring well after each addition.  Beat until smooth.  Fold in the chocolate chips.

4. Spread the batter in the prepared pan, smoothing down the top with a back of a rubber spatula or large spoon.  Bake in the center of the oven for 55 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through.  Bake until the top looks glossy and the brownie is just beginning to pull away from the sides of the pan. *Be patient and make sure the brownie is done before removing it from the oven.  Otherwise you get brownie soup*

5. Let the brownies cool completely in the pan, then cut into squares.  Remove from the pan and enjoy.  Store in an airtight container. *I left them in the pan...we just covered it with plastic wrap...and left a knife in the pan for cutting them with whenever we wanted a snack.*

Basic Gluten-Free Flour Mix- makes 6 cups
4 cups brown rice flour
1 1/3 cups potato starch (not potato flour)
2/3 cup tapioca flour (also called tapioca starch)

How it works:
1. To measure flour, use a large spoon *or the 1/3 Cup measuring cup* to scoop flour into the measuring cup, then level it off the back of a knife or straightedge.  Do not use the measuring cup itself to scoop your flour when measuring! It will  compact the flour and you will wind up with too much for the recipe.

2. Combine all ingredients in a gallon-size zipper-top bag.  Shake until well blended.  Store in the refrigerator *or a cool dry place...I use the basement* until ready to use.

Now, go buy Cybele's book! (okay, make the brownies first, then buy the book)

Going to Church, Part 2

While my first "Going to Church" post could have been read as thoughts on accessibility for those with differing abilities in in any situation, this one is related to church in specific and has to do with communion or The Lord's Supper or The Eucharist, depending on your tradition.
Communion typically involves bread and either wine or grape juice and is a very important part of church life. It's one of the two sacraments routinely celebrated in the Reformed Church (the other being baptism).  Sadly, it is a part of church life that I routinely am excluded from.
I have Celiac disease (as well as multiple severe food allergies), which means I can't have any gluten, a part of wheat flour, which is used in communion bread.  Communion, even as important as it is, is not worth a quick trip to the emergency room or a day of throwing up.  Thankfully, at Central, I had a wonderful community that realized the importance of inclusive communion and made the effort to find Joy-friendly communion wafers.  One day, during my sophomore year at Central, I had communion for the first time in years.  I cried with tears of joy.
Here at Western we celebrate communion once a week, by intinction (dipping the bread in a chalice of juice or wine).  Right from the beginning I worked with the chapel planning committee to come up with a Joy-friendly bread and a plan to keep a chalice gluten free and reduce awkwardness. I get to celebrate communion once a week, with the community here and I am blessed for it.
At my home church, DRC, I have partial communion.  DRC does communion by passing plates of bread and cups of juice around.  I skip the bread and just take juice.  I get some funny looks from observant elders who don't know me well, but for the most part it goes unnoticed and I'm grateful to at least have communion in one kind.
At my internship church, First Reformed, communion is usually done the same way as it is at DRC and I handle it the same.  I talked with my teaching pastor about it at the beginning of the year and we decided that since I get communion once a week at school, I wasn't going to worry about it at church.  I was happy with that plan.
Then, this week, we did communion by intinction. When we got to that part of the service, everyone got up and went to the communion stations to partake.  I stayed in my seat along with children who had not made profession of faith yet (at First Reformed profession of faith is a requirement for communion...that's whole other can of worms). Even though no one said anything to me, I could feel the eyes on me.  It was very obvious that I, their seminary intern, was not partaking in communion.  I've only been at First Reformed for a few months, so most the congregation does not know that I have Celiac disease (it's not like there's a big sign on my head indicating it).  I think I was more bothered by the awkwardness of the situation than by the fact that I was not partaking.
I'm not the only one routinely excluded from the communion table.  The University of Chicago Celiac Disease Center indicates that at least 3 million Americans have Celiac disease.  It's safe to say that a proportional number of Canadians do too.  And that is only Celiac Disease, not wheat allergies or other allergies.
People with feeding concerns, such as swallowing, are also routinely excluded.
When a person is excluded from such a crucial part of the life of the church is send a message that we are second class citizens, not fully worthy to participate in the life of the church.  It hurts.
I will be attending a worship symposium in a few weeks.  The organizers have been made aware of both my hearing loss and my food allergies.  I'm curious to see how they will respond. I know there will be communion offered during the closing service. Will I be welcomed as a full member of the church or will I be excluded because of my limitations?
Who is your church excluding?  What message is your church sending to members and visitors?